2012 is here!

It's already new year here in Indonesia so HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! Embrace the brand new days and the surprises of this newborn year! Still can't believe that 2011 has end... It was too quick. I can't say that 2011 is my best year but I do have so much fun, ups and downs that gives me lessons to learn.

Speaking of 2012 resolutions, what's yours? I personally haven't think about it, though. I like to be spontaneous, anyway. But perhaps moving on from the past and increase my spirituality should be on my list, since I'm too full of thoughts and confusion during the year 2011. So there will be no NEGATIVE post here. I promise that and this time I really mean it. I'm not saying that feeling down is a bad thing because sometimes when you're in a hole you can think clearly to find a way out. But I shouldn't share any negativity with others.

Okay enough with that. There's one more thing...




LET'S SURVIVE THE 21TH OF DECEMBER.




Haha just kidding, that day we all be laughing under the blue sky and clouds! It will be a wonderful day and I must say, I'm getting excited of year 2012 because of that :)

Well then, Namaste people!
Kezia <3

THE ROOT

Shattered Humanity, Bloody Systems, the Right and Wrong ways, Words of Wisdom from Liars, Government, Cruelty, Brandishing Fake Knowledges, Sly Buffoons, Plunging the Truth, Fight with Laughter, Embody the Fear, Taking Control, Jeopardizing Assault, Bury the Splendorous Oneness, Erasing Freedom from One's Dictionary, Ridden by Pictures of Turmoil Flame, New Diseases called "Angst" and "Agony", Quarrelsome and Grandstanding "Kings", Privileges Given to the Selfish, Constructing Battle, Intervening Public's Mind, Confused Attorneys, Enslavements...

... All started from Egoism.

ON A PAGE OF MY DIARY.

For once I just want to follow another lane where the flowers are ready to grow in every season as they race themselves to the sky without hatred and agony. I want to speak with my heart to the listening wind. I want to reunite with the soft blue velvet and the heart of the earth, which appears on the dark sky with diamonds. I want to embrace the waterfalls of blessings and learn from the Zen trees. I want to run on the aurora bridge, run to the eyes of Taurus, a place I called home, the place where I truly belong. 

http://vi.sualize.us/

KEZIA'S MOODBOOSTERS

To be honest, I always feel like writing here, but I'm out of topic haha! So let's just discuss something light for today's post.

All of us have our own moodbosters as well as I do. We all get so tired and cranky sometimes, aren't we? Well, here are my personal moodboosters that can fix my crankiness most of the time.

MUSIC 

I'm in love with music. Well I guess everyone does. Nowadays, most people listen to Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift, K-Pop, and else. I appreciate the public's different taste in music but all of these just don't fit me. And so my curiosity and hunger in music pushed me to search for old songs that may hypnotized my ears. So here's what I found, some of them tho:









Metal and Grunge always be my favorite genre of music, even tho I listen to classical and jazz or even wiccan music when I get tired of rock loudness. I wish we still have this in today's music :( Also, I've been thinking about learning guitar because the main reason why I like grunge and metal and so, is the sound of their guitar. It's just... epic!

Now, here comes the second moodbooster:

DC UNIVERSE

ta-daa!

This is so addictive! I'm in love with the Justice League, thanks to the influence from my cousin. And my all-time favorite characters are The Question aka Vic Sage (as you can guess), Batman aka Bruce Wayne (everyone's favorite!), The Flash aka Wally West (he's just adorable :P), and Dr. Fate aka Strauss Kent (because both of us are mystical indeed!). I'm willing to collect DC Universe action figures but I only got The Question so far. 

TUMBLR

Found many artistic and inspirational pictures here, posted by lovely people! :) By the way, to go to my tumblr, click here!

NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC

Well, who doesn't love national geographic? it has many amazing pictures along with interesting articles to read!

That's all for now! Cheers and, of course, Namaste! :)

Kezia~

BIRDS OF THE SKY AND MEN OF THE EARTH

Both men and birds have wings, yet birds know how to use them. Both men and birds were born to reach freedom, yet birds know this destiny from the very beginning. Men, however, was blinded by treasuries and golds; they forgot that they already held the most precious treasure in their lifetime. Both men and birds were given the same gifts; birds are always grateful for having the wide sky and the trees, while men pity the polluted sky they've destroyed and trim the trees of their land.

Namaste~

WORDS FROM A YEARNING CHILD

My dearest convenient paradise

Sounds of yours shall be treasured

As the earth keeps spinning around the sun

Today, these feet are standing on disparate ground

And below the sky of turmoil life

Sunlight and melodies from the wind used to come in harmony

And darkness offered the temples of wondering minds

Yet I am now trapped inside realistic illusions

Awaken from beautiful dreams

Compass and roads were decimated

I travelled through time and lands

Yet these thoughts of mine keep searching for waterfalls and fields

My inner child begs and yearns for lullabies

Unsatisfied soul wriggled from this body

I drift myself into reality

While songs of joy fly away with storms and fading memories

Where are the seas of stars at night

And where can I find rainbow ribbons of the sky?

Will I ever heard the sound of morning birds?

Will I ever witness butterflies watching over the town on shivering trees?

Will these feet touch the soft green grasses again?

And will I ever count numbers of constellations

While troops of crickets dance under the moonlight?

Will I ever see the majestic king of nature reaching the sky?

ANOTHER DAY ANOTHER WORD(S)!

As promised, I've wrote a biography of Sabine Kuegler the jungle child! Please visit, and your comment will be appreciated. No harsh words please! :)

SABINE KUEGLER; THE JUNGLE CHILD

She is an inspiration for everyone so it's worth to write about this wonderful person :) and in the other hand, writing about her makes me miss Papua so badly! Even tho I went there few months ago, it feels like I haven't visit the place in years. Things had been chaotic there, so please send your prayers and positive energy to the land of Paradise birds! The people of Papua need those!

Anyways, the earth starting to heal herself, can you feel it? The bitterness are still there and getting worse, but the earth is preparing for a big surprise to us humans!

http://www.astronomy.org/

Namaste!~

A NEW CHAPTER.

"The past better be left buried", a wise man once said, but in the other hand, it shall be remembered. So as time flies, I'm 'burying' my past with new posts. A great way to honored the past and being graceful for the present, or future.

Anyways, I got a lot of stuffs to do lately, so apologize for lack of posts. Life's been fun, but school doesn't. *sigh* Luckily for me, this Monday will be an Idul Adha holiday, yeay! I shall spend the not-so-long weekend for something other than these sickening assignments, so I already finished some during school days.

Oh, and this link below, is one of the assignments from school. Please visit and give your positive comments on any post you like the most :) You may noticed 'THE RED BALLOON' was also published there; well that is mine and I copied the story from here but I did a little checking for the grammars :D I really appreciate it if you visit my group's work and give your personal comment! And yesterday, I also notice that most of you visit my blog looking for stories and pictures about Sabine Kuegler the jungle child. Well, I'm going to write more about her in this blog below later on. Maybe I'll do it tonight;

BEYOND THE PRINTS

Thank you so muchhh! Namaste :D
Kezia~

EFEK MENJADI MURID IPA

Di sekolah gue itu jurusan IPA terbagi jadi dua, yaitu Biology dan Physics. Biology tetap belajar Physics sih, dan Physics tetap belajar Biology. Bedanya, Biologynya Biology itu lebih kompleks dibandingkan dengan Biologynya Physics, begitupun sebaliknya.

Kebetulan gue mengambil peran sebagai anak Physics di SMA ini, meskipun secara jujur sebenarnya gue lebih ke biology. Tapi gue pengen jadi designer atau astronomer atau arsitek, jadi gue masuk physics haha. Awalnya sih nyesel karena pas gue liat aktivitas anak biology kok seru banget ya, banyak banget kegiatan labnya... tapi lama-lama sangat bersyukur karena biologynya biology super kompleks. sementara physicsnya biology dan physics cuma beda tipis.

Gue sudah menjadi anak Physics selama hampir setahun. Dan inilah efeknya: Kalo lagi bengong, gue lihat sebuah benda, gue mikir secara spontan; Forcenya berapa, Massnya berapa, Center of Gravity-nya berapa, dan elasticitynya berapa.... banyak banget lah hahahaha! Kalo ada kejadian aneh dikit, misalnya   anak jatoh atau sejenisnya, gue ngoceh sendiri "itu pasti karena nggak balance blablabla..." hahahahah! Gue jadi 'terlatih' untuk berpikir secara scientific... Bahkan untuk main games pun, seperti the sims 2, gue harus menerapkan ilmu sains untuk membangun rumah! Kan ceritanya gue mau melatih diri menjadi seorang arsitek lewat media the sims 2 dengan cara membangun rumah-rumahnya sendiri (dan habis itu keluarga yang gue buat diabaikan), dan gue paling ga suka kalo bangunan yang gue buat terlalu simple ataupun nggak simetris. Pernah satu kali, gue bikin mall... dan tiap ruangannya gue hitung baik-baik. ada yang dua bangunan berukuran 10x10 yang berhadapan dan posisinya harus simetris. Setelah 2 jam berlalu, udah memberi cat dan jendela untuk tiap ruangan, dan akhirnya gue rotate... jengjengjeng!!! ga simetrissssss!! posisi dua bangunan berukuran 10x10nya nggak sejajar satu sama lain! wah aku bahagia sekali!!! Mungkin bagi anak lain, ini tuh hal yang biasa. Tapi buat gue itu suatu masalah besar *lebay*

Oke, so far, itu efek yang gue alami selama gue menjadi anak physics. Nah, let's talk about the biology students! Soal 'makhluk hidup' mereka emang pakarnya... Kalo udah ngomong sama sesama anak biology tentang organ-organ tubuh, systems blablabla, gue udah ga connect lagi. Mereka emang lebih banyak praktek sih, jadi banyak ngerti.

Dari pengamatan gue terhadap anak biology, mereka itu sering membicarakan tentang 'biological activity' (kalian pasti mengerti maksud saya) dimanapun kapanpun... secara biasa saja sementara anak-anak disekitarnya sudah mengerinyit. Bahkan di kantin pun mereka asyik membicarakannya sambil mengunyah makanan masing-masing.

Well that's all for now! Cheers! :D

THE ART OF EXCITEMENT

You know what they say,

and to be able to do this, we will need one necessary element, which is EXCITEMENT :)

Pretty simple to explain; remember the day when you feel excited as you woke up in the morning and ready to taste the day's adventure? compare this with the time when you loose your desire to 'live' and cherish the day. When you feel excited, the day will be so much fun and you end up feeling happy and satisfy. Meanwhile, when you begin your daily activities with a bad mood, everything will end up in a horrible way. 

By this, it's pretty clear that excitement is a positive energy and one of the element needed to have a better and colorful life. Everyone deserves a colorful life, which is why 'excitement' exists in the first place. God created this universe with excitement, and this explains why our nature is so very artistic and marvelous! Just like God, we create our own reality. When we 'create' excitement in our mind, everything will seem adventurous in wonderful ways. This brings joy and happiness to the person. 

Accept everything, no matter how simple it is, with excitement, because everything given to you is a gift that you will need in the future if you think that way. No one wants to have a bad day just because one's keeping his/her negative mood all day long! That will be a waste of life time X)

picture by Noor Iskandar

Life is an adventure!

So live happily! :D

Namaste!~

CAMOUFLAGE

This place were once a beautiful reality. It was so beautiful that fairytales looked like pieces of nonsense. But now, the world has been injured very badly... I won't even dare to feel every pain people went through. I receive bunches of bad news, some of them came from the people I know who knew nothing and are innocent... which make me sad. Yesterday, I heard that the father of my beloved friend, whom I haven't talked to for a long time, was fired from the company he worked for and expelled from the town the whole family lived in, and their family can only have a day to pack everything while they have to leave the town by the next day. This made me cry last night, I can't even imagine the nightmare and agony they have to face. Also, the war, abuses, rapes, kidnaps... They're all seem so ridiculous. The worst part is, I can't do anything. well actually, it's not that it's impossible to help, but I really have no idea what to do. Things aren't suppose to be like this. We could've live happily and peacefully.

And it's all because of the long search of power. Everyone wants power to control anything they want so things would run according to their own desire. And controlling means taking over people's rights and make them helpless so they will obey the rules given by anyone who is the most powerful. That's not fair. It never is.

Just look at all the 'illness' our earth suffered from. War, for example. there are groups of individuals in war who are competing to win the battle. To gain victory, they need power, and the most powerful of all will win and survive.

Someday, all of us will realize that power isn't necessary because everyone has it, equally.

Someday, all of us will stop the long-last agony and heal all the traumas together.

Someday, all of us will hold hands together and leave the old dark world to the brand new one.

I hope these wishes will not stay as written sentences for a long time.

OUR YOUNG HERO; HARRY MOSELEY

I repost this post from Les Floyd, a loving spirit, as my honor to Harry Moseley, the young hero who passed away yesterday.

Rest in Peace, Harry. it's not the end and it's never will be :') we will continue your achievements like it has no end.

Harry Moseley died last night.

He was 11-years-old.

He’d spent more than a third of his short life battling an inoperable brain tumour – though it was never a battle he fought alone:

He had the endless love and support of his mother and family, his friends, all the members of the medical team that took care of him over the years, and from the many, many thousands of people he touched while he was still with us.

He died at home, in his mother’s arms, nearly two months after slipping into a coma due to complications resulting from an operation to save him.

Despite the trials and trauma of his own sickness and ordeal, he made and sold bracelets in memory of his friend, Robert Harley, who he met in hospital and who, sadly, died in 2009, aged 55.

Harry helped raise over £500,000 ($777,000) for cancer charities in the UK. He never raised money for himself.

He was special.

He is special.

Amidst the outpouring of grief and condolence, we must remember that there are so few people who – when their journey to this Earth is done – leave such a legacy.

There are creaking, leather-faced banking executives in their 80s who - despite all their wealth, all their perceived power and all those years - never came close to shining as brightly as Harry did.

Like when a star collapses at the end of its life, Harry’s passing has been marked by a brilliant wave of light… of love… and while he may have physically left the world, his energy is still rippling through us.

There will be people out there who, in years to come, will be comforted and even saved through advances made by the research his fundraising efforts paid for.

Every person who has been touched by yesterday’s news now carries a shard of Harry’s light in their own hearts.

This is his legacy… an energy he transferred to us… as his final gift to the world, before parting.

We could hold this light within and it would eventually fade to the dimness of memory.

Or, we could lift it up above our heads and let it shine again, by carrying on with Harry’s selfless mission to raise money for cancer charities.

Let’s help Harry raise £1,000,000… and let that be just the start.

If you'd like to donate to Cancer Research UK, visit Harry’s website:

http://www.helpharryhelpothers.com/get-involved/

If you’d prefer to donate to cancer charities in your own country, please do so.

LEARNING THE TRUE REASONS

Have you ever been bullied? Stabbed from the back? Witnessed a fight between your family? Cheated? Well don't worry, I feel ya. No one wants to be hurt. Meanwhile, we're all probably wondering why that happened, why it has to be you... And this leaded many of us to depression.

Now, you may noticed that you're putting yourself in this question as the object. This is one of the example of egoism; you're being the primary key of the question. And sometimes, you feel like you didn't do anything wrong, right? It's just happened. So let's try changing the question to "why did they do that?". Remove the egoism away, since the law of the Universe said that egoism will not solve anything ;) and yes, everything happens for a reason. There IS a reason behind the ones who bullied you, or behind the fight your family just did. 

I've wrote about 'the significance of why' few days ago, and this has something to do with that. "why" is the primary key to find reasons, which is why this question is very important. Look at the ones who hurt you. Do they looked upset, sad but trying to hide it by putting a mask that said "I'm the boss here!"? These type of people could be easily observed, you can see the difference between the upset ones and the ones who would just go with the flow... They're actually vibrating energies, and all of us were actually born with this ability to feel each other's energies. Can you guess what your best friend felt today? Can you feel the happiness from your mom when she successfully cook a dish from her newest recipe book?

And there you have it! That's why they did that to you! They're trying to hide what they actually felt, trying to look strong enough, trying to look like they have no problem at all. 

So now, how do you feel? Still pressured by those people who bullied you, stabbed you from the back, or  your family who were just fighting each other? Remember this, objectivism always works! :D

Namaste!~

METROPOLIS; A DARK POET

I went to the street at night to enjoy the metropolitan-ish view at the evening. Among the lights and musics, I found young souls begging for food and ladies smoking their cigarettes. Then thoughts came; things aren't supposed to be like this. These facts saddened me as I came home and inspired to write a poetry.

METROPOLIS

Oh Metropolis, brood for your distaste of delinquency
Witnessing your people defiant laws and spared the malicious
Innocence dwindled in outrages
The truth is afar from your existence

Oh Metropolis, can you hear sinister laughter among prominent images?
Can you taste drops of alcohol and insanity?
Can you see the corpse flopping through darkness?
Can you feel sea of cold hands touching your walls to survive?

Oh Metropolis, bequeathing mysteries
Watching thugs brandishing their guns to heroic combatants
Silent in conspiracies and humiliation
Endeavored to embrace the bright side

Oh Metropolis, the vicious voice, hypnotizing you...

COINCIDENCE?

I believe such thing does not exist. If we live in coincidence, why do we dream? why do we wish? hopes are meaningless, as well as chances. Without chances and hopes, life will be nothing but monotonic. we do not learn from monotonic life, when everything happens without explanations nor reasons.

Even tossing a coin and having the 'garuda' side as the result is not a coincidence. Before doing so, we already had two obvious choices; the garuda, or the currency. And yet the choices exist due to our expectations. the result, indeed, depends on how we toss the coin. (and yes, when I wrote this I was inspired by those math problems on 11th grader worksheets -_- well, nevermind.)

This law applies to every specific occurrence, indeed. So keep dreaming, keep wishing, keep working for what you want! The decision is in your hand ;)

Namaste!~

THOUGHTS; THE SIGNIFICANCE OF 'WHY'

"Why"; the most essential question and, most of them are worth asking, the root of all remaining questions. Without why, we cannot go further to understand the proposition, and with no enough knowledge nor understanding given from the answer of the question 'why', there will be no way out; colliding on the wall that covers the truth all over and over again. and so, why people drowned themselves in darkness when they realize they do not belong there? why people hate? ... why people believe in God? or why God believe in people? when we were little, some of us asked "why are we here?" instead of "how did we come here?", because "why" will provide key points to "how". Why exists because there are reasons. And answers from 'how', 'when', 'where', 'who', are also reasons.

Perhaps this has a connection with judgements, chaos. Why people judge? because they do not go deeper and they did not know the reasons. Reasons can be discovered from 'why'. Why people are being chaotic? because once again, they did not know the details of the reasons. Why some reasons remain as a riddle engraved in myths and mysteries? because we didn't ask about it so we did not had a chance to unlock the edge of the chaining proposition.

Namaste!~

INNER VOICE

What a though year, don't you agree? I have many conflicts within this mind and towards others... if you follow all the posts in this blog, you'll notice that there are many ups and downs during the year. Exhausted? indeed. But I'm pretty much confident with the values I received all this time. It is not a waste at all... As days disappeared, karma, good or bad, depends on what we do that is; does its job from time to time, and knowledge expands infinitely. Now isn't that wonderful?

Well I sometimes forgot about the gift from the Universe, which are life experiences and days. And during this month, I was being reminded of my past, the dark side of my childhood, and I panicked because my score reduce in significant amount lately. Even though I'm not the type of a student who's very straight when it comes to score and I have this principle that I'm willing to learn and not to catch good scores, it's a big hurting hint for me. I have a huge fear that I will not survive high school and I have to start it all over again. My family expect me to be successful in school because I'm the only one in the family who takes science pathway, and they expect me to have scholarship. Truth is, I'm not into 'school', and deep inside I have a strong wish that I could just escape school life and learn things on my own, because I don't like today's school system and it's just a waste of time for me. Unfortunately, such thing is not that possible in this country.

So yeah the point is, memories of the past haunt me, and I have a big fear that I will not survive in school. My energy dropped ever since, and I'm unable to focus myself on spirituality like I used to. I got so tired easily, and a few health problems occur lately.

http://jamessamy.com

Have you ever experienced being guide with your own 'inner voice'? This happens to me right now. What I believe is that inner voice is a guidance from your soul. You see, your soul is wayyyy more smarter and wiser than what you expected. The reasons why we very often do ridiculous mistakes like fighting or stealing is that we are disconnected from our soul. We tend to choose listening to our rational mind instead of the heart while in order to gain balance, we need to use both. heart is the 'mind' of your soul, while the rational mind is a physical matter that concludes today's reality. It's like this, your heart said that you need to be kind to others. The rational mind think of the ways you can share kindness, like giving free hugs, bake a cake for the orphans, etc. People who seemed 'heartless' lost their connection with their souls, and people who seemed to be 'too kind' does not use their rational mind. Heart speaks inner voice, the voice of your soul, and rational mind 'types' strategies, logical matters.

Here's my experience of inner voice, so like I said before, I'm currently in a stage where I feel way too exhausted, afraid and drowned in a deep sense of guilt and anger. I am unable to find someone to talk to because everyone's being too busy and, in case of the past memories, it's too personal and only a few people are authorized to know about it. As I lay myself down to calm me down, I feel like someone, deep inside me, speaking through my mind, giving an advice. It said that I should calmed down and let things flow... being panic is normal because it's a natural alert to push myself and prepare things up. the only thing that blocks everything, making me unable to reach higher scores, is fear. I fear too much, and fear is the type of energy that is able to block any potentials, and I'm sure everyone of you experienced this. I have to let go the fear, put confidence in anything. confidence is one of personal motivation.

About the past, I haven't meet the person whom I owed my apologies, and I may never see this person ever again. But a pure forgiveness can be send from the morning wind, from the sound of birds... as long as it's pure the person will feel it. Sometimes we can write expressions without words.

What do you know? those are the most effective advices I ever had. This reminds me that we are all so very powerful deep inside and so very wise, yet sometimes we just forget about that.

So how to listen to our inner voice? simple. first we have to calm ourselves, think about the problems without being disturbed by emotions, and ask for advices inside our heart. there will be answers, whether it will came in sentences pass through our mind or pictures of the solutions. Our inner voice is within us, and we can access it anytime we want. When receiving advices from the inner voice, use the rational mind to think of the ways to do it. Do not use the rational mind without using inner voice at first.

Namaste!~

CHARACTERS IN ME; ONE PERSON, DIFFERENT PERSONALITIES

Well, everyone has their sides. The evil side, the innocent side, the crazy side... and so do I. Also known as alter-ego, that is. It's kinda normal, because spiritually we're traveling from one life to another as different individuals in each lifetime. Well that's what I, and some people, believe. Have you ever realize that you're being a different person at one time, and in the other day, becoming another different person? Or act differently to each person you met? You're showing different characteristics to different people. I think, everyone's doing it even if they do not realize that, or there is a small difference from each characteristics shown.

So, I have these few different characters, but most of the time, the one I often use is the 'normal teen-ish characteristic', supporting my present role as a high school teen. This one is very random, curious, rebellious, free spirit... typical characteristics that most teenagers have. Hey, I've been a teenager several times.

There's also the mature side of me. This one is very intuitive, imaginative and wise, and also critical when it comes to politics, spirituality, beliefs, empathy and emotions. I particularly use this character when talking to someone who's also very critical or elder person who seeks advices. This side meditate inside me due to my old-soul journey. I can only reach this side when I'm in a very balance state; able to let things flow and is in a very good mood.

Just like the 'yin-yang' theory, maturity has its opposite, known as childish. The childish side of me is very unstable, stubborn, and selfish. During the first semester of grade 10, I often display this one and now I regret that. This appears when I am not able to control myself. Perhaps this one came from the imbalance state, when I'm unable to remember 'who I really am', and the union with 'All That Is'.

Like everyone else, I have my own dark side, in which I often hide. It only appears at particular event that  leads me to anger, or when being reminded of something that ruins my mood. I am a patient person, to be honest, so when I'm in my imbalance, 'angry' state, I can be a totally different person. This one is abusive and apathetic, and long ago, my pets, and someone in the past, were the victim of this side of me :( I'm really sorry, pals!
Believe me or not I experienced being a psychopath man in around 1500s. I killed people since I was 11 years old, and I remembered how sadistic I was, and how 'unfeeling' I was back then. I don't know if this has something to do with my dark side, but I think it does because both have similarities: abusive and apathy.

These are my sides, what's yours? ;D

Namaste!~

SELF-SUGGESTION; HEALING THE TRAUMAS

I should just stop blaming myself, blaming others, blaming the atmosphere, cursing the days, counting my breath, disbelieving my sights. The field of green grass, it was there for the feet to run freely, leaving the past behind, embracing the future. I can always put your sorrow to the birds of the sky, let it flow... I can color the rain with flower petals whenever I want. My reflection on the lake was unclear because I dropped some tears on its surface... I should just stand still and let me see myself clearly. And there, there I am. I can see my soul deep inside the eyes, it told me that I am bigger than any of the nonsenses, for I am the center of myself, the sun of my days and the moon of my nights. And if the unpleasant scenarios came, enjoy the moment, enjoy the show from the world's huge theater, for each shows has its own message, and only a conscious soul could catch it, learn from it. When I feel like I am a snowball lost in the desert, when the atmosphere is so hot and no one could understand, I should understand that people don't understand me because they don't understand themselves, and I am here to help. For the breath, something that is more precious than gold, shall be spend on something worth, something preciously beautiful, more beautiful than a diamond. If I disbelieve my sights, I should ask the stars to shine on me, and I will feel alive again. Curses will return as curses, blessings will return as blessings... Apologies, the pure one, will be heard through the wind or butterflies of summer, and scientists will find themselves understand that there is no such thing as distance, separation. Gratefulness, the true one, will be spread through the running water of the river in infinity. And now the colors are there, and it is up to me whether I want to bound them all together and create a long ribbon of rainbow or leave it there and spill a bucket of sadness on it, forever in my life.

LETTER

I'm sorry, I really am. I never knew that the day will be the last time we met. And now, it's been years... And I always wonder about you. Your look, what you've become, and if you still remember me. You were very young when we met each other, you became a part of my family for a year. I thought I was able to be kind to you, but the fact is... I wasn't. I was the center of your misery. I haunt you every day. Those scars and tears of pain, I still remember them very clearly, and they break my heart each time I remember them. Why I was so cruel to you, sometimes I wonder. I was angry as a child, and you know why I was so angry. You witnessed everything, but I'm not sure whether you still remember or not. and anyways, what do you know? you didn't do anything for revenge. You smiled to me, every single day when we were together. Even today, although we haven't see each other again for years, my evil deeds to you, and your smile as the 'reward'. Sometimes when the memories come, I am not able to forgive myself... none of the people around me understand, I guess. I'm trying, I know I just have to forgive myself, but I can't. I have to ask you for forgiveness, and that's why I was hoping that we could meet again someday. I hope when I am able to see you again, you become what you've always wanted, you become a loving and tender person, a wonderful leader... unlike me. But, I guess it would be better if you don't remember anything about me. I was a monster, right? It is not good for a child to remember the monster that opened the gate of his nightmare. But I'm sure, whether you still remember me or not, you are strong enough to move on... You're one tuft kid, you know. You should be an inspiration for everyone in the world. Everyone should listen to your story.

If you forgive me, I'll be impress. You were very empathic, you loved me so much and you tried anything to make me happy, even sacrificed yourself for those scars. But if you can't forgive me, it's okay. I don't deserve a forgiveness, anyway. And it was too late for me to fix everything. Now I can't help but feel a deep regret, deep inside. If only I realize how cruel I was, I could've ask you for forgiveness in the first place. I could've fix everything... and you could've been with me until today.

Funny. I was the one who created all those miseries you suffered. Why should I be the one who cried? But if I say I'm pathetic, I would not appreciate your affections to me. And funny to realize I write this above 'notes from the joyful soul' post. Yeah, I should just let this flow. I'm trying.

You're always be my hero, wherever you are right now. You deserve a better place and a better family :) You must be enjoying your life now!

Love from me, take care~

Notes from A Joyful Soul

http://cnadeau.evolvingsolutions.ca/

You know what's better than a cup of hot chocolate in the cold afternoon?

A gratefulness vibrated through your dear friend and a text from another dear friend saying that you're  a good friend.

You know what's better than a warm blanket in winter?

A pure heart, freed from grudge. realizing that keeping grudge lead you to nowhere, blocking your ways. embrace forgiveness, let things flow...

You know what's better than wearing your favorite sweater when it's raining?

Not worrying about anything, not worrying about your financial problems or your academic achievements, let things flow, allowing yourself to enjoy every picture you see, and every voice you heard.

You know what's better than taking pictures of the colorful leaves during the fall?

A sincere smile, came from a sincere heart, for anyone no matter who they are, what they've done, what they look like, a sign of gratefulness for their existence in your life, and your existence in their lives. 

You know what's better than feeling the soft sand of the beach during summer?

A grateful heart and eyes when looking to a mirror and through a window of your home.

You know what's better than writing a poem with your favorite colored pen?

Using your life to be a hero for others without hoping for any prize, even though you do not have any super abilities to lift school bus or to touch the sky. Spark the magic of life, see how it works... 

You know what's better than having a great dream in a great night?

Typing this with a joyful soul :)

Namaste!~

THE RED BALLOON

It's December, one snowiest month in every year. A boy was said to be dying by the doctor because of a deadly disease he suffered. He only had 2 days left to survive, and he was willing to spend the 2 days to do something for others. He checked his piggy bank, there were only a few cents in it. He checked his closet; his mom already donated all of his old clothes a week ago. He checked his drawers, there are many crayons, papers, and three red balloons. What can I do with these? He thought. Suddenly, as fast as a lightning at a stormy day, he got an idea. He drew a big, nice smile on each paper, put it inside of the balloon, pumped them, and freed them to the air.

~

And old lady sat on her old couch, all alone and lonely. She stared at the window, seeing the outside world where the children plays and adults that are having gathering. Suddenly, a shiny red balloon appeared and landed in front of the old lady's window. She was surprised as she opened her window and picked the balloon. She popped it and opened the folded paper curiously. A huge colorful smile decorated the paper and enlighten the whole room in an instant. The smile made this old lady remembered her beloved husband and how loving he was, and how his husband loves her chicken pie so much. She began to cook two lovely and warm large dishes of it, took a pink sweater that was a gift from her husband, and went outside to the group of playing children and the adults. Everyone smiled welcomed her to the gathering, which was a pleasant surprise for the old lady. She was no longer lonely.

~

A young man was driving his car to work. He missed his family; he went far away from home to find a job as a father and a husband. He kept driving until he saw a red balloon fell on the street. He stopped and popped the balloon to see a message inside of it. A colorful drawing of a huge smile appeared on the paper, amazed the man's eyes. He felt warmth and content, and saw a shivering beggar sat on the street not far away from him. He took off his jacket and gave it to the beggar. Besides, I already have too many jackets in the closet, the man thought as he walked away, shivering yet happy.

~

A woman was just having a fight with her best friend when she was going to work and found a strange red object gently hit the frozen bushes. She came closer to find that it's a red balloon with a message inside of it. She pulled the message and found a large drawing of a smile, making her realized how much her best friend meant to her, and how ridiculous the fight she just had. She ran to her house, knock the door, and apologize. Her best friend, which is a nurse, smiled.

~

A nurse checked the report given by the doctor of the dying boy, surprised by the result. She came to the boy's loving mother to tell the news. The nurse, which was a best friend of the woman who received the red balloon, explained in such excitement, having no idea that the boy was overheard the whole conversation behind his door. He was getting better and better, he could survive from the deadly illness. The boy smiled.

*Namaste*

PETALS OF JOY

Here comes the light, shining through a crystal clear window, as the clock was ticking silently and every beings dance inside their head. A princess, gently touch the silver moon from the glass, imagined a tune of serenity embrace her room as she wore her silver ballet shoes and began to move elegantly in joy. No one but her own pair of eyes and the Universe witness the magical night she went through. As she stopped dancing, sparks of light surrounded her. "Why such beautiful ballerina dance at night, when no one's watching?" A voice said.

"Why? I never even asked this myself." She said. "Why I love to dance? Why I dance at night? I do not even know. One thing I knew for sure is that I enjoy dancing."

"Well then, I shall give you this bucket of roses," the voice replied, as the light began to form a winged fairy holding a bucket of roses and offered it to the princess. "You shall water the roses with your graceful movements. Do not forget that these roses are magical and powerful, do not lose them." The bright fairy disappeared under the shining stars that enlighten the room, leaving the confused yet amazed princess alone.

Each night, the Princess dance elegantly and joyfully, making the roses grow beautifully as its gorgeousness impressed everyone who sees them. Each time the Princess did her movements, she checked her roses, feeling satisfied.

One day, the King opened his castle for everyone to celebrate his 'giving day'. The Princess stood behind the King, staring at everyone who entered their castle. A boy with dirty robe walked in and sighted the magical rose with amazement. "My mother is ill," he said. "None of the provided medicines nor experienced doctors could healed her and we have spent all of our piece of gold to cure her, and all I can do now is making her happy. My mother loves roses and I am looking for the finest bucket of it. Your Majesty, can I please have those gorgeous roses of yours?"

"What?" The Princess said in anger. "Let no one but me have these roses! I am the only one who can keep them, and I made a promise that I will not lose them. I am also the one who watered these every night! I am the only one who was authorized to own these roses!"

The boy wept silently, walked outside of the castle while drowning himself in sadness. The King looked at her daughter. "And let no one, even a princess, hurt the heart of a little boy."

The Princess left, pouted by the day. She stared at her roses and noticed that they began to withered. "Oh, what shall I do?" the Princess panicked. She carry her bucket of roses to her ballet room, making many movements until the sun hid its appearance under the horizon.

The Princess checked her roses once again. The roses' petals changed their colors into clear silver. It was so clear, the princess can even see her own reflection. But then, her reflection transformed into a familiar face in which the Princess saw earlier. It is a sad face, indeed, and the princess tried to wink and stick out her tongue. The reflection of the sad boy followed.

on the golden bucket, a figure of a pale woman appeared, making the exact movements the Princess made. The Princess ran in confusion. "I do not understand such strangeness! My dear fairy, what shall I do?" the Princess spoke under the moonlight. She waited, until she fell asleep on her glamorous bed.

The Princess searched for her comfortable sandals but she can only found a dull pair of shoes made of cardboard. She was surprised to see herself wearing dirty robe, something that the princess shall not wear. She ran outside, sighting a completely different view. A woman coughed on a dull, dirty couch, too weak to walk nor to speak. Feeling bad, the Princess opened all existing drawers to find something that may heal this woman. As she looked back, she witnessed a completely different woman; happier and healthier while holding a bucket of roses on her lap. The Princess opened her eyes, surprised. It was just a dream.

She wore her clothes, picked her roses, and quickly ran from the castle alone. She passed many houses and trees to find a small dull house that stood in the middle of the town. A sad little boy sat outside and noticed the hurried princess. "Your Highness! Please do not come into my house, it is not worth for such person like you."

The Princess smiled. "It is okay! I am here to give you this." She handed her bucket of roses to the boy. "It is for you, for your mother that is. I hope this will cure her." She walked away, leaving the silent boy behind. Just as she passed the gate of the town, she heard the boy cried happily behind her. The magic must have cured his mother, she thought.

It was getting late. The Princess did her dancing ritual inside her ballet room. She opened the door, ready to dance joyfully once again, as she noticed a bucket of magical roses awaited her on the floor. She did not lose any of the roses.

*Namaste*

A FRUIT FROM THE SHIVERING TREE

"Look! I can see some grey baby birds playing with each other in the nest,"10-year-old Adam said in excitement. Anne's eyes followed Adam's pointing finger calmly. "Oh yes, I can see them too!" She brooded. "Such lucky little birds to have such loving friends."

"Indeed," Adam replied. He looked at Anne and smiled. "Am I being a good friend to you?"

"Well... I guess I have to think twice before giving you the answer." Anne laughed. She closed her eyes. "You know, you can hear a message through the shivering leaves of this tree. They are whispering words that can only be heard by heart."

"What are you, some kind of a tree whisperer?" Adam laughed. "Just kidding. They must be whispering a love letter to you, Anne! I'm sure this tree loves you so much!"

"You're wrong! The leaves of this tree... is whispering a love letter to US! Can you feel it, Adam? We always come here since kindergarten. Each time we lay down here, the leaves always shivered peacefully." Anne stood up and hug the tree. "We'll meet again," she said silently. Adam and Anne went home happily.

~

"Adam! Is that you? You left your sketchbook in my bag!" Someone said from the back, with a familiar voice. Adam sat up and saw Anne's figure behind him. "Oh it's you! You came here just to gave me this? You could give this to me tomorrow but thanks anyway!" Adam replied with a smile on his face.

"Oh, it's okay and your welcome." Anne said. "I drew something on the last page of your sketchbook, if you don't mind."

Adam quickly checked his sketchbook and found a doodle of a big tree with a snoring boy under it. "I am not surprised." he pretentiously pouted.

Anne smiled. "Well, see you later!" She waved her hand as she walked under the moonlight, slowly disappeared from Adam's sight. Adam brooded in silence. Something's not right, he felt. He ran on the same path Anne was walking on and heard a huge crash before he can escape the bushes and fences that surrounds  his backyard.

~

Adam climb the hill to find the big tree Anne loves so much. It is the same 10-year-old artistic Adam, indeed... yet, there are differences that came along with the boy. This time, he came with sad pair of blue eyes, and alone.

From the hill, he can see the small town that raised him and gave him the bestest friend a boy could have. And now... things felt different ever since Anne was leaving, forever. Sighed in deep sorrow, Adam closed his eyes to hear a message from the shivering leaves. The peaceful sound calmed him a little... until he heard a terrible sound that came from the root of the tree.

Adam came to take a closer look. He can see a little grey bird bleeding and crying. "Poor little thing," he said, while picking the bird gently. "Anne wouldn't dare to see such innocent creature cry in pain. I shall take a good care of you until you can fly freely to the sky."

He carried the little bird home to bandaged the creature and to feed him. Everyday, the bird felt better and better, until he can sing a song for Adam every morning each time Adam jumped from his bed to greet the day. As the wound of this bird recovered from time to time, Adam's heart was too, healed. He's not lonely anymore, and he began to smile often. Anne must be proud of me, he thought happily.

One day, Adam was about to feed the bird the finest worm he could found on his backyard. As he entered his bedroom with a fat worm in his hand, he sighted a silent little bird looking through the window of his room. As Adam fed the bird, the little creature ate the worm with no excitement. Adam caught the unusual behavior. "What's wrong, little bird? Don't you feel like singing in joy, or jumped around your cage like you always do?"

The bird stared at him with sad pair of eyes, making Adam remembered how sad he was when he first came to the big tree without Anne. He sat in silence for minutes, picking the cage empathically. "I understand now," he said silently. "The wide-opened sky is calling you, little bird. You are now belong to the sky."

He went outside while carrying the cage and tilt his head up to see the clear blue sky upon him. "Good news is, I can see the sky everyday. I can feel your appearance everyday from below, even if you're not in my sight. But I can see your home, and I  can see a part of you staring back at me."

He opened the door of the cage, and help the little guy fly. The bird jumped on Adam's arm for farewell and gratefulness before he opened his wings and left his feet from Adam's sleeve.

As the bird embraced the sky and leaving the ground, Adam put his old sorrow on the bird's feather, letting the bird expelled them, for the bird already gave him happiness and taught him the most precious thing of all; message from the shivering tree.

*Namaste*

C'EST LA VIE

So many emotions around here today. Some people dance in joy, some of them mourn, some of them were stumped, some of them laugh, some of them feel... nothing. All of these emotions combine in each day we all spent together. Pretty strange yet beautifully true. All of us are humans spending the same day in the same world, but having different journeys and different sensation. A person hated mathematics because he cannot answer a single question from his worksheets, another different person thinks that math is like a part of his soul because he were given the ability to calculate easily. A person loves a glass of lemonade and another prefers a cup of tea. A person would give his empathy to those who committed suicide, but he then murders people apathetically. A man marries a woman because he loves her, but there are some men who seek women, and also women who seek men, to satisfy their sexual desire.  All of us born in different times yet we all grow, and at the end, we're all gonna die and then reborn again. And there will be new generations that will do the same thing, and they will give birth to newer generations that will do the same thing their elders do. All humans from each generation were given 24 hours each day, and seven days in each week. Same given time, different problems, different global issues, different global habits. We cannot change the given time; there is no such thing as 25 hours a day that is. but we're all progressing from 24 hours to another 24 hours, even though the time given remains constant. We are amazed by the earth's past, and the past were amazed by its own future. Most of us forgot to appreciate the present, being too busy thinking about the future and the past.We seek brighter future, but we forget to brighten our present. We cannot go to the present if we did not step on the past. And also, if we are one and connected to each other and we're always present, why doubt the history and the future? Religion, too, is a part of the history, but some of us are able to describe it even though we're in the present and history is a study about the past. Why do we have myths, if humans are always inspired by their surroundings and their own world? And if evil gives balance to kindness, why punish the bad guys? If the kind executes a murderer for murdering an innocent child, is he doing the same crime by taking the life of this murderer? Why people would most likely to investigate a robbery rather than a gangster attack? Why all of us seek a piece of gold due to each preciousness when each existing stone has its own uniqueness? Given the ability to communicate using our tongue, why create languages if we can use a single language?

AMBISI SAYA MENJADI DETEKTIF

Hai, kawan-kawan!! Jadiiii.... saya punya cita-cita baru (pasti temen-temen gue pada ngomel nih, "Buset dah cita-cita lu banyak amet kezz -___-" HAHA). Seperti yang sudah saya tulis di judul, ya, saya ingin menjadi detektif. Dan, anda benar sekali; ambisi ini datang dari ketertarikan gue akan The Question. Kalo dipikir-pikir asik juga bisa punya topeng yang tak berwajah gitu kayak The Question terus lo make topeng itu malem-malem dan ketokin jendela orang. Oh, terus nyium polisi. #abaikan

Jadi, dalam rangka merayakan hari random, gue pun minta pendapat dari kawan-kawan sebangsa setanah air satu per satu. Gue tanya, gue cocok ga jadi detektif? kalo iya, alasannya apa? dan inilah jawaban mereka:

Koscha: Cocook. Karena lo itu unexpected, bisa nebak gue ngapain aja, sama misterius, penciuman lo lebih tajem di banding bulldog pilek (bulldog pilek... -____-)


Manda: Hmmm cocok aja sepertinya. Menurut gw lo tuh orngnya pengen tau banget. Pasti cocok jdi detektif


Yuga: Cocok aja sih, mata lo tajem


Sabila: Cocook! Dari segi analisamu :D

HAHA oke gue jadi ngakak sendiri. Teruuuusss... gue pun berangan-angan menggunakan detective coat beserta topinya.

Tapi masalahnya, jelas aja nggak mungkin make coat seperti itu di Jakarta. Haha gagal deh gaya-gayaannya. Bagaimanapun, gue pengen jadi detektif bukan karena bajunya. Gaya itu bonus dari profesi ini deh. Gue pengen jadi detektif karena menganalisa dan mencaritahu akar suatu masalah itu mengasyikkan dan gue lumayan bakat menganalisa. Cuma untuk menjadi detektif kan harus jago akting  dan harus bisa nyamar. Disinilah kelemahan gue. Gue ga jago akting. Tapi bisalah, bisa dilatih kok asal niat.

Nah, bagaimana nasib cita-cita yang lainnya? Tentu saja gue masih pengen menjadi arsitek/designer interior, amateur astronomer, artist, writer, dan spiritualist. Tapi yang utama tetep arsitek/designer interior sih. Yang lainnya profesi sampingan saja.

Tentu saja saya serius dalam menggapai semua cita-cita itu (detektif juga termasuk lho). Bahkan gue udah mulai banyak baca berita, informasi-informasi penting, terus ada punya satu kasus yang pengen gue analisa. Tapi untuk ukuran anak SMA, susah juga sih. Barangkali ada kasus yang lebih ringan di sekolah, atau di tempat-tempat terdekat. Lihat saja nanti.

Cheers!