STAGNANT

I am currently in the state where I got tired of my spiritual experiences because I hardly have someone to share my experiences with and I don't like keeping things to myself (what's the point of learning something new if you don't share it anyway). Here in my environment, it's hard to develop either. I hardly get any support and when I was getting close to get one, things happen, and I eventually have no choice but to find my own way. It really is okay, and it's better to learn things from personal experiences, but I just can't stand doing all of these alone and I feel like a freak for being so different. I really do need guidances and advices. 

Things are getting pretty messed up lately. I'm pressured by high requirements I have to fulfill later in college years, I'm tired of doing all of these madness alone, and haunted again by some things from the past. I even begin to wonder why I have this gift to do things that are pretty 'new' and strange by most when I hardly have any chance to get some help. By the time I have one, there is always something on the way, and then I'm all friggin alone again. No wonder I'm left behind; while everyone who shares the same gifts has made half of their way, I'm still stuck, and I develop pretty slowly compared to others. 

Point is, I'm sick of being so lonely and feeling stagnant. If this situation doesn't change I'll just have to deactivate my ability and try being normal a bit.

KOMIK TOILET

Yang baru kenal gue pas SMA pasti ga tau sama sekali dulu gue kayak apa, sebelum pada akhirnya gue masuk sekolah baru dan jadi murid baru yang aneh bin ajaib dengan tampang sok innocent. Soalnya, pas SMP gue sangat berbeda dengan gue yang sekarang. 

Dulu pas SMP, gue termasuk salah satu yang banyak ulah, sampe jadi bahan pembicaraan guru-guru hahaha. Tapi justru disitulah letak serunya. Kebanyakan bilang masa-masa SMA adalah masa-masa bandel dan seru, di gue justru pas SMP. Bukan berarti masa SMA gue tidak menyenangkan, ya. Ya tetep ada sih masa tidak menyenangkannya. But overall it is fun, and it is also one of the most important times of my life. 

Nah kembali ke topik awal. Gue pengen sharing tentang salah satu pengalaman SMP yang nggak bakal gue lupakan seumur hidup. Tiap kali reunian sama kawan-kawan dari sekolah lama, pasti kenangan yang satu ini selalu dibahas, dan nggak peduli seberapa sering pun kita ngebicarain hal ini, tetap aja bawaannya ngakak separah-parahnya. 

Rada alay sih emang, tapi yaudahlah ya. Jadi gini, lorong SMP pada waktu itu masih baru. Dulu pas gue SD, lorong itu belum ada. Nah, pas gue kelas 8 sekolah memutuskan untuk bikin toilet di lorong itu. Jrenggg, akhirnya jadilah toilet itu. Masih baru, bersih, dan indah, tak seperti toilet di gedung SMP lama yang tampaknya tak teurus (maaf ya bagi pihak-pihak dari sekolah ini yang barangkali membaca tulisan ini, saya hanya ingin jujur). 

Belum nyampe sebulan, pas anak-anak cewek satu kelas kabur ke toilet (inget banget waktu itu lagi jam matematika, which is jadwal paling malesin sepanjang masa SMP LOL) sampe gurunya garuk-garuk kepala bingung mau ngajar apa karena kelas sepi. Nah, setelah kita masuk, ada satu buah gambar di dinding itu, jrengg! Gue lupa gambar apa, yang jelas coretan aja. Dan entah bagaimana kami bisa tahu bahwa coretan itu berasal dari kakak kelas. 

Terpengaruh oleh coretan itu (dan emang pada saat itu lagi jaman-jamannya alay), akhirnya besoknya kami kembali kabur pas jam matematika, kali ini dengan "meminjam" beberapa spidol dari ruangan itu. Dan dalam hitungan menit dinding toilet dan bilik-biliknya pun seakan menjadi lembaran-lembaran kertas di buku gambar! Semua anak cewek di kelas gue berpartisipasi pada saat itu, TERMASUK ANAK YANG TERKENAL SANGAT TERAMAT ALIM PENDIAM BAIK HATI DAN TIDAK NAKAL.

Salah seorang teman gue nulis "komik toilet" di salah satu dindingnya dan menomori bilik-biliknya. Hahaha, inget banget deh pokoknya. Terus kalo nggak salah waktu itu gue gambar powerpuff girls (bawaan dari SD emang) sama gambar-gambar gajelas gapenting gitulah pokoknya. 

Dan boom! Pada hari Jumat minggu itu juga, semua anak SMP ditahan di lapangan untuk diinterogasi. "Siapa yang nyoret-nyoret toilet di lorong D? Ngaku!" (Kalo nggak salah yang ngomong begini adalah salah satu guru killer SMP). Akhirnya, satu per satu tangan pun teracung ke udara pagi yang dingin. Wali kelas gue geleng-geleng pas ngeliat semua anak cewek di kelasnya angkat tangan, TERMASUK ANAK YANG TERKENAL SANGAT TERAMAT ALIM PENDIAM BAIK HATI DAN TIDAK NAKAL. Dengan pasrah, beliau bertanya padanya "Kamu ikutan juga?" "He-eh," jawab teman gue yang satu itu, sama pasrahnya. 

Hukuman dari perbuatan kami adalah mengecat ulang toilet itu. Berhubung banyak banget yang kena hukuman dan bukan cuma anak-anak di kelas gue aja yang ikutan, kuasnya nggak cukup. Akhirnya ngecat pake tangan pun jadi. Tapi hasilnya ya begitu, bener-bener nggak niat. Udahlah warna catnya nggak sama dengan warna aslinya, tulisan dan gambar-gambarnya pun masih transparan. 

Sepasrah-pasrahnya wali kelas gue, beliau tetap bersedia membantu (emang guru gue yang satu ini sabar bukan main, heran deh). Dan masuklah ia pada saat rombongan kelas kami sedang berlumuran cat di toilet, dengan jaket kulit. Keluar-keluar, jaket kulitnya punya model baru, yaitu BERCAK CAT. Dan yang bikin kami lebih heran lagi, masih aja senyam-senyum tuh orang, padahal itu jaket kulit woi!

At the end, toilet itu di cat ulang sama tukang, dan kembali menjadi toilet yang bersih, indah, dan sehat. Sia-sialah hukuman kami dan sia-sialah pengorbanan wali kelas kami dengan jaket kulitnya itu (ah, tapi hutang kami terhadap beliau sudah dibayar dengan kelulusan UN 100% kok :D). 

Kangen banget sama masa-masa itu. Kami semua tahu masa-masa ini nggak akan terulang lagi sampe kapanpun. Dan sekarang kenangan ini menjadi salah satu kenangan yang hangat setiap kali reunian :") Soal wali kelas gue, nggak ada yang tau kabarnya dia gimana sekarang. Denger-denger sih dia masih ngajar di yayasan yang sama, tapi beda tempat. Tapi gue yakin beliau sendiri nggak akan lupa sama kenakalan anak-anaknya waktu itu. Suatu saat nanti kalo udah pada sukses dan kalo ketemu beliau, pasti akan kami bahas kembali.

Oh iya, ini gambar gue waktu itu, as a tribute to my beloved class! Sayang wali kelas kami terlupakan di gambar itu T_T

SPIRITUAL RAGE (WITH A HAPPY ENDING)

Last week I was participating in school's retreat, which is held every year. I was too lazy to go but my most of my friends from grade 12 have decided to join so I gave it a chance. 

The retreat camp was far away from the city and quite remote regarding to its location which is up there on a hill. It was very cold, reminds me a lot about my hometown in Papua. But from the very first day I sense something fishy about the place itself. 

On our second night in the retreat camp, we were given the challenge to write a list of what we're going to do after the retreat, outside, in the foggy dark night, with only a candle, paper and pen, alone. Each participant will be separated from each other, wasn't allowed to communicate. Participants can leave their place when their candles are almost out of wax. It's okay not to join, but all of the 12th graders accepted the challenge, and yet all of us were located in the extremest spots, which are around a temple that also belongs to the owner of the camp. 

I was placed on the side of the temple, facing a wide empty field with no lights on it. It was very dark, but I was glad to see candlelights around me which marks the existence of other participants. It only took about 15 minutes for me to write some nonsense on my paper. I spent my time gazing at the field, wondering what it was, because I strongly felt someone was staring back at me. 

I closed my eyes to 'see' what this place was in the year where it was created; 1979 (it was written on a stone that stood on the camp). in the vision I saw a wooden house, or maybe a warehouse because it was quite small, standing on the field, facing the temple. There's a lady in that place, I guess she was the owner of that house. 

The vision of the place's past began to fade and replaced by a picture of a lady, strongly appeared to be the one who was in the house, goggling her eyes at me. At that moment I began to understand that the field is her territorial, that's why she doesn't seemed to be very happy seeing kids surrounding her place. I didn't know what to do, I feel a little goosebumps and wondering why she only visited me (maybe because I was facing directly to the field?).

I then remember an advice from a friend saying that when demons and spirits stare at you, you should stare back but showing no fear at all. If it is done with fear, they can possess you. It works like communication between animals; the one who shows the most fierce look on its eyes will be able to take control of its enemies. 

Knowing I wasn't alone made me felt better, so I gave her a fierce stare while telling her I mean no harm, I was only a visitor. After a few seconds she eventually went away, back to the field. I felt relieved and proud of myself for being brave this time!

As if it was a test, the fogs began to get away and the sky was full of stars that are mostly unseen in the city. Everyone was getting bored so we kinda break the rules and finally shouting to each other. Some of us left to get some sleep. I noticed a friend, also a classmate, was also staring at the sky so I joined him, only to spot a shooting star passing by! And I also noticed something that is very precious for me; I can see an arm of the Milky Way in this place!

Others eventually joined our little party, trying to spot other shooting stars (I figured out later that it was Aquariids). Some missed, some caught the shooting stars with long tails, some caught short shooting stars. A silly friend jokingly said this to the ones who missed the view:

"Don't worry, you can search for it in youtube. If you rape the reply button, you gonna have sh*tloads of wishes that come true!"

Nothing can describe how happy I was that time. Seeing so many stars that formed so many constellations,  seeing the milky way that doesn't appear in my current place due to the light pollutions, and the best part of it, I was with my friends! We were screaming and clapping in midnight and we got scolded for that hehe, but it was worth it anyway. It was one of the happiest moments of my life!

In the morning, I was informed by a friend (she heard this from our teacher) that the field was the extremest place. Anyone nearby the field has to be careful, because moments ago before our visit, a girl was being possessed in the field while joining another retreat activity.

I didn't know why I have to be the one who sat on the area that is facing the field but I'm quite glad to be there.