LEARNING FROM THE WORST

Sadness, fear and frustation are just some of our daily emotions. All of us have been through that point where everything seemed so blue. It's a part of our lifelong process to discover our identity as an individual as well as understanding the universe, but some just can't seem to escape from such feelings. 

Due to my ability to maintain emotional balance, people often come to me for advice and guidance on how to deal with the worst, as I called it. It's nothing more than 'love and accept yourself as who you are', really. By understanding this, you are able to accept the emotions you are feeling, the good and bad. You allow yourself to learn and take some time to recover without putting too much pressure on yourself. 

It might seem easy for me to say, but it took years for me to learn. (I'm not the type of person who likes to write/talk about her personal life in public, but I guess now it's the right time to do so, hoping that this can inspire readers). I have had really hard times accepting myself as I fell to depression during my childhood. I couldn't understand why the world felt so cold and it seemed like it did not accept my presence because I've seen and experienced things that shouldn't happen to a child. The tough times have taught me many things that helped me understand and accept so many problems in this world most have not yet understand. After years of seeking for a way out, I finally learned that the only way is to accept and love myself, including all of her flaws. Since then I am able to reach emotional balance most of the time, without even a single antidepressant. And not just that, it activated my 'empath' ability, the ability to engage with other's deep emotions and gradually help and heal them with their emotional pain. 

It is not that simple. It took a long, rocky road, but The Universe, The Absolute, God, Alpha and Omega, The Creator... doesn't matter what you called him, has its amazing and fascinating ways to guide you at any time. Simply pay more attention to what's going on around you; feel the wind, see what's on the tree you're passing, sit and listen to the homeless (sometimes they have more wisdom than most of us do, really)... by doing simple things like these you will notice how the universe works to guide us, and you will learn more about yourself, thus accepting yourself and believing that you are strong enough to experience life's wacky adventures. 

Namaste.

ACHTZEHN.

25 May 2013. My 18th birthday.

Ohmygosh I'm getting old!!!

Oh well, I had a blast :) Mother nature seemed to wish me a happy birthday as well. I had my birthday on Vesak Day, Lunar Eclipse and Full Moon night. I consider these phenomenons as a sign of a new turning point in my life as well as new discoveries and abilities. Besides, I'm no longer a schoolgirl like I used to be. I am going to be a college student who are working on her dream of becoming a scientist. I'm getting closer to the future I've been dreaming of. And for that I'll have to do some 'makeover' around here. 

I actually have lots of things to say, as always, but I'm not in the mood to write a long post today. I need to pay more attention to some things. 

Namaste!~

ANOTHER COMPLICATED YET ENLIGHTENING EXPERIENCE; LEARNING MY TRUE DESTINY

I get insomnia almost every night nowadays, and it's all because of my mind. It keeps showing me strange pictures and scenes like flash cards. One night, I decided to cooperate with my mind and take a closer look to those pictures. It was quite hard to catch up at first, but after a minute I was able to follow and understand things I saw... Hmm, I actually need some time to write this experience down so my apology if it's quite messed up.

My mind drove me to an empty city; all of the buildings were made of stones and were designed in such specific way (I wish I could illustrate how they looked like someday). Someone stood there waiting for me, someone with blue skin. He brought me to one of this building where there was an old television and a rope hanging on the ceiling. The TV showed a war scene in a European city and I immediately assumed that it was a scene from my past life memory, where I was a WW2 soldier who also died in the war. The rope, too, showed something interesting to me; when I gazed deeply into it, the room changed into old-fashioned living room, looking lonely and sad despite the beautiful antique furnitures and fresh flowers on the table. The vision worked as if I was hanging myself on that rope... It turns out that I also committed suicide somewhere in the 1800s (assuming from the look of the furnitures). I learned why, but I guess it is not necessary. What matters is I've experienced the darkest of times. Misery and agony were part of my life and I died tragically in my two latest past lives (perhaps in some other past lives I haven't yet discovered too). I've tasted the bitterness of life and now I came here with another chance to live my life to the fullest with all the loveliest things. 

"You understand the pain of living in this world more than most people, thus you have the authority to give your hand to those who dwell in that pain. It is your destiny, and the universe conspires to make it happen," the guide said. 

The last picture I saw was the number 8:11. I assumed that it was a verse from the bible, and since Holy Bible is the only bible I have in hand, I opened the Holy Bible as soon as I wake up, letting my intuition guide me to Proverb. and here's what I found:

"For wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you desire can compare with her."

Coincidence? I believe not. And whoever showing me this, thank you.

There's another thing about that city, but I think I'll write about it later. It's more complicated than it looks, but also important for enlightenment. 

Namaste. 

HEADING BACK TO 11:11

I was depressed without even knowing why and thought that this indigo thing might be the problem. I'm isolated with other indigos out there in my place, while they actually have organized a community for people like me. Still, even when I'm around other crystallines I still feel different, like I have a path of my own. Even so, I felt like I'm quite lost. I've gotten tired with this spiritual business most don't understand and I just wanna live a normal and happy life. This leaded me to an idea to deactivate my third-eye, a chakra associated with spirituality and sixth-sense... You can even see that I haven't discuss anything spiritual in this blog like I used to. 

"You're not lost, just putting too many pressures on yourself," my inner voice said in my head. "Relax and let us guide you.

"You can't deactivate your third eye and start living normally, but I want you to know that you have the gift to see the big picture of humanity and you have access to other dimensions. This ability had helped you when you were still in your mother's womb (the doctor diagnosed me with a syndrome and my mom got hit by a motorcycle right on the stomach, 2 days before giving birth). If it can protect and help you, it can protect and help others as well."

After receiving the message, I survived the entire week with such confusion and pressure. But here's the interesting fact; whenever I stopped and look at the clock it'll show 11:11 or 1:11. What's fascinating here is that this happened to me before I get to learn and discover my psychic abilities. 

11:11 or 1:11 is known to be the number of lightworkers and angels. It is a sacred and spiritual number just as the number 3, 7, and 12 in the bible. New agers believe that when you see this number on the clock, a higher entity is visiting you, or there is a spiritual message waiting for you. Before I get into the world of indigo, I dreamed of seeing this number, and a fairy was standing next to it. The beautiful purple fairy smiled at me and flew away, leaving me another message that said "Aku adalah kamu" (I am you). I didn't get the message but I feel a great pressure of energy working on me afterwards. 

But after experiencing many things the 3 Dimensional world don't offer, I personally learn that 11:11 is a symbol of oneness. You are me, I am you. We are one. We are all connected. 

Today, when I noticed another 11:11 on the clock, I wish for the higher beings to guide my way.

And no longer after the wish, a friend asked me to help her friend who was sickly... I haven't spiritually serve anyone for a while, focusing too much on my own desire to live normally. I felt so relief and happy after giving him some help, something I haven't feel for quite a long time. The sincerity you project when serving others is the 'medicine' to all emotional and spiritual negativities, and because I haven't serve anyone, I didn't project anything positive to others. This will build you a spiritual and emotional prison, explaining why I've been so negative. Now that I'm walking on my own path again, I feel serene and happy, and I began to yet feel another unconditional love surrounding myself. 

I never believe in coincidence. I assume that the higher beings lead me to this guy, reminding me of what am I meant to be doing in my life. I assume that the number 11:11 is one of their ways to keep my feet on the track.

You are me, I am you. We are one. Namaste.

LEARNING IT THE HARD WAY: GROWING APART

So few nights ago I saw groups of people in my dream, who appear to be groups of friends. Things went well and they seemed to build beautiful friendships together, until something happened and they began to fight each other. Things like this are pretty much common to our lives so this dream doesn’t really excite me, but it does reminds me of something I’ve been keeping in mind. Perhaps it is my subconsciousness trying to give a message.

Over the past few years I’ve been having some trust issues. It’s not that I never trust anyone, but I keep myself from being too open and close to others most of the time, whether I know it or not. Only a few can understand me either, excuse me for being the kind that doesn’t fit in easily.

I have had best friends in my life and happened to build a beautiful friendship with them, but we grew apart eventually and we ended up like we have forgotten all of those days we spent together, all the fun we used to have, and our secrets. And now I think it’s happening again. Not just to my best friends, but to some other close friends I used to hang out with.

Sure I can socialize pretty well and I will make new friends eventually, but I guess I’m not so good at making (best) friends. I guess I’m always afraid that the friendship will end up the same way, and they do. It’s either because of my own fear and thoughts that it will end like that or we’re simply growing apart. It is a normal thing and it happens to everyone, but I don’t take it that easily. Personally, trusting someone is hard, but once I found someone I trust completely and someone who understands, I consider them as my best friends. That’s the point of friendship after all, the one who understands you and the one you trust. But so far, starting from the earliest friendship I had with my childhood best friend, most of them don’t last. And losing a best friend is the hardest thing to face.

I don’t blame my best friends, I don’t blame anyone. Growing apart and losing someone you love are natural phenomenons one should deal with. Yes, now I’m learning it the hard way. Let's get used to it and live life anyway. Always remember to accept reality and life as what it is. 

ZESTEV'S BIRTHDAY WISHLIST

Okay, so... 19 days to go. I actually don't like talking about birthdays (I don't want to grow up!!) but anyway, here's my birthday wishlist, in case some of you don't know what to give to me ;)

1. Jimmy Neutron / Dexter's Lab

2. Real Iron man suit

3. Vanishing Cream

4. Superpowers

5. Pseudoderm Mask

6. Real Batman Utility Belt

7. A Private Island

8. A villa with mountain view

9. Kel's Orang Soda (always wonder how it taste like)

Just kidding (I'll be very happy if any of you can afford at least one of these for me though :P). I already have everything I need actually so don't take this too seriously. But I'm gonna write down what I've been wishing to have anyway. Nothing wrong with wanting to have something, right? Here's the realistic wishlist:

1. TY Beanie Boos' Husky Plush

2. Super Star Theatre Planetarium

3. A Disney Sketchbook

4. The Question's Comics (Vig Sage's)

aaand that's all :)