INNER VOICE

What a though year, don't you agree? I have many conflicts within this mind and towards others... if you follow all the posts in this blog, you'll notice that there are many ups and downs during the year. Exhausted? indeed. But I'm pretty much confident with the values I received all this time. It is not a waste at all... As days disappeared, karma, good or bad, depends on what we do that is; does its job from time to time, and knowledge expands infinitely. Now isn't that wonderful?

Well I sometimes forgot about the gift from the Universe, which are life experiences and days. And during this month, I was being reminded of my past, the dark side of my childhood, and I panicked because my score reduce in significant amount lately. Even though I'm not the type of a student who's very straight when it comes to score and I have this principle that I'm willing to learn and not to catch good scores, it's a big hurting hint for me. I have a huge fear that I will not survive high school and I have to start it all over again. My family expect me to be successful in school because I'm the only one in the family who takes science pathway, and they expect me to have scholarship. Truth is, I'm not into 'school', and deep inside I have a strong wish that I could just escape school life and learn things on my own, because I don't like today's school system and it's just a waste of time for me. Unfortunately, such thing is not that possible in this country.

So yeah the point is, memories of the past haunt me, and I have a big fear that I will not survive in school. My energy dropped ever since, and I'm unable to focus myself on spirituality like I used to. I got so tired easily, and a few health problems occur lately.

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Have you ever experienced being guide with your own 'inner voice'? This happens to me right now. What I believe is that inner voice is a guidance from your soul. You see, your soul is wayyyy more smarter and wiser than what you expected. The reasons why we very often do ridiculous mistakes like fighting or stealing is that we are disconnected from our soul. We tend to choose listening to our rational mind instead of the heart while in order to gain balance, we need to use both. heart is the 'mind' of your soul, while the rational mind is a physical matter that concludes today's reality. It's like this, your heart said that you need to be kind to others. The rational mind think of the ways you can share kindness, like giving free hugs, bake a cake for the orphans, etc. People who seemed 'heartless' lost their connection with their souls, and people who seemed to be 'too kind' does not use their rational mind. Heart speaks inner voice, the voice of your soul, and rational mind 'types' strategies, logical matters.

Here's my experience of inner voice, so like I said before, I'm currently in a stage where I feel way too exhausted, afraid and drowned in a deep sense of guilt and anger. I am unable to find someone to talk to because everyone's being too busy and, in case of the past memories, it's too personal and only a few people are authorized to know about it. As I lay myself down to calm me down, I feel like someone, deep inside me, speaking through my mind, giving an advice. It said that I should calmed down and let things flow... being panic is normal because it's a natural alert to push myself and prepare things up. the only thing that blocks everything, making me unable to reach higher scores, is fear. I fear too much, and fear is the type of energy that is able to block any potentials, and I'm sure everyone of you experienced this. I have to let go the fear, put confidence in anything. confidence is one of personal motivation.

About the past, I haven't meet the person whom I owed my apologies, and I may never see this person ever again. But a pure forgiveness can be send from the morning wind, from the sound of birds... as long as it's pure the person will feel it. Sometimes we can write expressions without words.

What do you know? those are the most effective advices I ever had. This reminds me that we are all so very powerful deep inside and so very wise, yet sometimes we just forget about that.

So how to listen to our inner voice? simple. first we have to calm ourselves, think about the problems without being disturbed by emotions, and ask for advices inside our heart. there will be answers, whether it will came in sentences pass through our mind or pictures of the solutions. Our inner voice is within us, and we can access it anytime we want. When receiving advices from the inner voice, use the rational mind to think of the ways to do it. Do not use the rational mind without using inner voice at first.

Namaste!~