LETTER

I'm sorry, I really am. I never knew that the day will be the last time we met. And now, it's been years... And I always wonder about you. Your look, what you've become, and if you still remember me. You were very young when we met each other, you became a part of my family for a year. I thought I was able to be kind to you, but the fact is... I wasn't. I was the center of your misery. I haunt you every day. Those scars and tears of pain, I still remember them very clearly, and they break my heart each time I remember them. Why I was so cruel to you, sometimes I wonder. I was angry as a child, and you know why I was so angry. You witnessed everything, but I'm not sure whether you still remember or not. and anyways, what do you know? you didn't do anything for revenge. You smiled to me, every single day when we were together. Even today, although we haven't see each other again for years, my evil deeds to you, and your smile as the 'reward'. Sometimes when the memories come, I am not able to forgive myself... none of the people around me understand, I guess. I'm trying, I know I just have to forgive myself, but I can't. I have to ask you for forgiveness, and that's why I was hoping that we could meet again someday. I hope when I am able to see you again, you become what you've always wanted, you become a loving and tender person, a wonderful leader... unlike me. But, I guess it would be better if you don't remember anything about me. I was a monster, right? It is not good for a child to remember the monster that opened the gate of his nightmare. But I'm sure, whether you still remember me or not, you are strong enough to move on... You're one tuft kid, you know. You should be an inspiration for everyone in the world. Everyone should listen to your story.

If you forgive me, I'll be impress. You were very empathic, you loved me so much and you tried anything to make me happy, even sacrificed yourself for those scars. But if you can't forgive me, it's okay. I don't deserve a forgiveness, anyway. And it was too late for me to fix everything. Now I can't help but feel a deep regret, deep inside. If only I realize how cruel I was, I could've ask you for forgiveness in the first place. I could've fix everything... and you could've been with me until today.

Funny. I was the one who created all those miseries you suffered. Why should I be the one who cried? But if I say I'm pathetic, I would not appreciate your affections to me. And funny to realize I write this above 'notes from the joyful soul' post. Yeah, I should just let this flow. I'm trying.

You're always be my hero, wherever you are right now. You deserve a better place and a better family :) You must be enjoying your life now!

Love from me, take care~