WHEN I WAS OFFICIALLY 17 YEARS OLD...

I was in the state where I'm at peace. I can feel the presence of connections among people and myself. I know that all the troubles and lessons that came to me during the 16 years of my life, it is not the end of blessings and chaos yet. I kept in mind that the challenge is not yet here, and I have to prepare everything for challenge grows with time. As people grow older they will have to face bigger challenge too. 

And so there I was, sitting in the crowd while watching these people came and go. Despite dressing in a typical way, each of them are unique. I began to wonder what would these people have in mind if they are the ones who see me walking from a corner to another corner. 

All in the sudden, my mind drifted into nothingness while my eyes were still catching up with the pace of those people. A faded image of a woman popped inside my head. She was standing on a very beautiful garden. I can see flowers and trees living in harmony. 

She brought me into the center of this garden. There was a deep cliff hidden by the scenery of green-blue forest. The view was beautiful at the first sight, but when I looked down there was a complete darkness. There were thorns, there were no life. 

Before I could ask the meaning that this garden represents, the woman told me through silent language that this garden is what my heart looked like. There is love and kindness, but there is a spot that eventually covers the vibes. And this spot has been hidden for years without me realizing its presence. It is a wound that needs to be healed. 

I looked at the cliff. There is no life, but there were memories. They are the memories of my childhood.

They are the events that left a deep trauma during my childhood. I knew that I will never be able to forget them, but I always thought that I'm now able to carry on. I was wrong. the pain is still there, hiding deep inside my heart. And it is responsible for giving sudden agony and illness. 

It was the moment where I realize I cannot rely on myself every single time. I always thought that I can handle everything myself, but there is a time where I need the help of others. I guess I need to get out from the shell and talk about it to a trustworthy and wise person. It is the only way to get these memories out from that cliff so I can plant some vibes of life inside of it. 

So there goes my first challenge, and it came just in time. Simple enough as a beginning, but it takes extra effort and courage for a person like me. 

SEBUAH SURAT.

In memory of friends and family who had passed away, and whose souls belong to freedom now. My apology if it's 'abal'.

Wahai kalian yang kami kasihi,
Dahulu kita tidak mengenal fana
Waktu datang dan pergi tanpa permisi
Layaknya hembusan nafas kehidupan

Kini kita sama-sama belajar
Pertemuan dan perpisahan akan selalu bersama
Sebab kini kita tahu
Bahwa keabadian itu hanyalah sebuah kata

Wahai penghuni Firdaus,
Jiwa-jiwa yang tak lagi mengenal duka,
Apakah tebalnya langit menutupi pesan kami,
yang telah kami bisikkan lewat angin,
dan yang kami tulis di atas bintang?
Seluas itukah angkasa,
sehingga mata demi mata tak lagi bertemu?
Masih adakah ruang untuk kami,
agar perbincangan kita tak lagi diselimuti debu,
dan kenangan tak lagi terbungkus rindu?

A STRANGE WAY

"Beloved All That Is, Alpha and Omega, please give me guidance."

That was my last night's personal prayer. Moments later I fell into a deep sleep, something that is rare to me since I am usually insomniac. Dreams came by, and when I woke up I can remember all the details, meaning that last night's dreams got something to do in real life. 

In the first one, I was standing on a very dark room. Few people were there with me, and someone who sounds like a lady gave me a diamond-like pendant while I already wore a necklace with Metatron's symbol on it, the Hexagram. She wore it on me and said that "it will shine very brightly if your other necklace is pure." And so it was. It shines very beautifully and brightly while I can feel that it is chanting a very strong energy inside of me. When I saw my left hand in the same dream, it also shines in beautiful blue and green. It feels heavy yet powerful and it remains that way until now. 

The second dream was more 'logical' but it still marks a powerful message behind. There was some sort of a balcony and the design seemed very ancient. There were some women in traditional clothes who seemed panic. They were running back and forward until one of them told everyone to stop. They sat in circle and began to hum in a strange way. Some of them stumped their hands on the floor while others kept humming. I didn't do anything though, I was just standing there and watch. The moment I woke up, I realize that they were doing a ceremony that possesses dark magic (and it's not a strange thing here because it has been a part of some ancient traditions in my country, that's why I can easily tell), an instant magic which purpose is to make a wish comes true, with a big side effect that is. 

I talked about my dreams to my mentor and here are his answer:

For the first dream, he said that it's a very good sign, but I have to find out about it myself because I was the 'address' of the message. His typical answer but he's right anyway :P

For the second one, it was a guidance. Since I was only watching, it means that I was being told not to do any kinds of black magic for my own good and for humanity's, because I'm the type of person who can learn this kind of thing easily. Black magic has long lasting side effects even though it is instant. It's a complete opposite to white magic, that's why it's dangerous even though it gives a short-term big advantages to the one who possesses it. 

The Creator has so many ways for each one of us, and this is His personal way to encourage and teach me. Even though it has many metaphors I have to analyze alone (that eventually boosts my ability to make and analyze literatures and poetries XD), I must say that this strange way is very effective. 

Strange dreams are nothing new to me, but the experiences and the messages I get in each of my dreams are remarkable. Therefore, I am blessed with this strangeness :)

Namaste!

THE TRUE MEANING OF AUTHORITY

I do not care wether a person is older than me or not.

If she/he does not show any respect to younger people, I will not respect him/her also.

I think the world does need a bit authority and it should be in the hands of people with lots of experiences. (I will not say 'enough experiences' because experiences are never enough)

And for this case, elder people are mostly the 'winner' of this category, because they've been here longer than any of the youths. 

But if the person who proclaims it as something she/he deserves to have, authority will be meaningless if the person is heartless.

Treating youths like they are brainless is a heartless ethic, because how can the youths build peace for next generations if the elders cannot give a good example for them? So therefore, authorities have ethics and limits, and also an essential purpose that is objective and fair.

This is why it is necessary for youths to give correction to elders. It is not against ethics nor it is a type of discrimination towards the elders, as long as they do it in a proper way. If their authority has crossed the line, taking the rights of the youths, it is their duty to fix everything, because they deserve to have their rights. 

A fair authority holds the concept of equality, meaning that it includes the responsibility and the right of every individuals involved in it. Responsibility without right is unfair. Rights without responsibility is foolish. 

Enough said. 

A JOURNEY AROUND CONSCIOUSNESS.

Ever since I got my sensitivity activated at age 12 by accident, and managed to control it this year with consciousness, everything becomes vivid, everything makes sense, and everything seems beautiful. It was so frightening at the beginning, though, and no one can understand the situation or give a hand. Lucky for me it didn't last forever. I got help from some wise people, and thanks to them I am now powerful enough to control my ability and to become wiser than ever. I also learn from strange individuals whom I met at my dreams, and my spiritual guardian Aaron and Emilet. 

I can never forget one of my journeys in the non-physical reality. I was laying on bed, falling asleep. Long after I closed my eyes, I saw a splendor garden. A golden throne was standing in the middle of the garden and someone's sitting on it. She seems beautiful with yellowish skin, wide black eyes and with fancy Javanese-styled dress. She seems very familiar, but I never succeed in guessing who she really was, until now. 

Sounds of birds reverberate in the air, and she asked me if I could guess the colors of those birds just by hearing their voices. At that moment I could not understand what she's trying to tell me but I obeyed her. The high-pitched birds are yellow, the loud ones are red, the most medium-pitched ones are green, etc. I kept on guessing until the birds stopped singing and the image of this garden and that woman began to fade in black. In the next day, when passing groups of people, I can feel their vibrations. Some represent yellow, a symbol of joy. Some represent green, a symbol of tenderness. Some represent blue, a symbol of thoughtfulness. And some represent dark vibration, a symbol of hidden sadness and anger. I began to understand the whole thing, and I am grateful.

I also remember the day when I saw a girl in my dream. She wore black robe and smiled at me as she crossed the street and fireworks began to appear on the sky. I could not recognize her that moment, until I woke up and heard a shocking news that my senior had passed away due to a motorcycle accident. As I'm trying to remember her physical entity in my head, I began to realize that she was the girl I saw in my dream. It was terrifying, but then I appreciate her by giving me her last 'visit' when passing away to higher-dimensional nature. It was an honor. 

In one of my meditations, I saw a man greeting me with his melodious flute as we fly across a very strange yet peaceful town. It was nothing like any existing towns I can't even describe it. He carried me to the higher level of this town, where a rose-like building was standing. A very beautiful lady in pink opened the door for me and she said "reika, reika, reika" very gently. I smelled a scent of rose and returned to my physical self. I repeated what she said and I felt like my heart was shaking as if it has been renewed with a light of unconditional love. Moments later I realized that they were ascended master (and I just read about it few days before). The man was Krishna, and the lady was Lady Nada. I also got a chance to see Christ. It was when I remembered my past wounds and felt incredibly hurt again. I saw him sitting on a hill as he showed me his crucifixion wounds while telling me that he can understand how hard it was. I was reminded that my pain was nothing compared to his, or anyone else's. 

There are still many strange stories that are illogical, and I adore them all. I am very grateful to have these experiences to help me grow. The logical world is full of limits, and the eyes began to see clearly in unlimited reality, where dimensions are connected, where energies flow in peace...

Namaste.

Reika, reika, reika.

TUESDAY'S PARAGRAPHS.

It's been a very tiring and emotional week, I must say. I got so many stuffs to do, so many things to think about, so many troubles that annoy me a lot, and also I found out today that my mac's battery is not working anymore so for now on I have to bring it's cable everywhere... oh boy. good thing I'm a type of person who can manage emotions quickly. For me, being mad or sad is very rare. My temper and sadness may stay for a day in maximum in a very extreme level when I think I'm out of patience, and then they disappear like nothing's happen the next day. Well even though things are still bothering my mind and peacefulness at least I can handle my emotions now. Still, I feel kinda bad to some of my best friends who are patient enough to resist my temper hahaha, really sorry guys! I love you all <3

I got a lot of things to write actually, but you know what they said; when you have too much you will have no idea where to start. 

Here's my agenda, tho. First of all I'm gonna deal with my Final Paper, the most important thing of all since it is one of the school's graduation requirement. Unfortunately my topic is pretty complex and I have to repeat my experiment to have an accurate result. I AM SO TIRED. 

Second, I have to do some mock tests that will decide which tests I have to take. There are three tests; IGCSE extended, AS Level, and A Level. And yes it's very obvious, A Level is impposibru! I really wish I can take AS Level but when I saw the example questions I was like... damn. So yeah whatever, IGCSE will do! 

Last but not least, I just have to try making my own money! Everyone needs some, and so do I. I don't want to make more trouble to my hard-working parents since they've been dealing with economical problems, too. (I do have a conspiracy about the application of money, I know, but the world still works that way and so we have to follow the rules. It's a sad fact) I've been thinking about writing my own story and try sending it to a local newspaper, see if my story is good enough. I also wanted to make my own business by painting glass jars by request. But since I'm busy with school works and stuffs, this will be my least important plan. 

Beside those, here are some good news:

I pass my A1 Deutsch Test and the certificate says "sehr gut"! (and I have no idea how I did it). I got a perfect score in writing (schreiben) and reading (lesen) but my speaking (sprechen) result is not so satisfying haha I was so nervous after all! As for listening (hören), I think I missed one question or two so the result of it was pretty good but not perfect. I am still grateful, though.

I had a trip to a small town in Central Java with my physics classmates about a week ago. Most of us thought it's gonna be boring like last year's excursion but it was actually not! We got a chance to learn physics in caves, ruined fortresses and the beach. (And yes, my previous statement is a sarcasm) We actually had to visit a Power Center but it was on reparation so we cancelled our visit. We are VERY grateful with this, because our booklets are full of questions from the site. Thus we have less work to do during the excursion yeay! This excursion was totally an opposite to last year's. 

Still have a lot of things to say but I'll continue if I have time! Namaste!~