Tuesday, July 31, 2012

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN "STUDYING" AND "LEARNING"

I realized both words are expressed in a single word if translated into Bahasa Indonesia, which is "Belajar". Regarding to this, I began to wonder if "studying" and "learning" actually have the same meaning. But turns out that both have different context. I discussed this with some interesting people, each representing their unique thoughts. From the result of the discussion, this is my personal opinion.

The purpose of studying is to fulfill academical requirements. We are given some subjects from those who are authorized to teach because they have the knowledge, and we NEED to have these knowledge too to cooperate with other people of the world. Like the standard subjects; math, english, and so on. It is necessary for us to study these because they are essential in every existing systems of the world, such as economic growths and technologies. 

Learning, however, is basically the same with studying... but once again, different context. It is more to personal matters. When we learn, we feed our soul. Learning is a way to accomplish one's life purpose. We don't learn something we dislike... we learn something that brings an enlightenment, that can help us achieve our life's purpose. This does not mean we learn only through things we like, though. Sometimes, we can get the point from tragedies and loss, too. It depends on how one responds to an event that happens to him/her. and each one of us, of course, have different pursuit of wholeness in life. That's what makes learning's different. Each of us learn something unique through various things that may differ from one to another, while we basically study the same methods to work on math problems. 

Namaste!~

Sunday, July 22, 2012

THE PRESSURE'S ON

New Semester. New class. New challenge. New tasks. 

I am officially a 12th grader, meaning that this would be my last year in high school. Kinda sad to think about it, to think about how this is going to end while I was just taking my first step to move on from Junior High. To think about my struggles in grade 10, and the fun and enlightenment in grade 11. I am not the type of person who loves school systems but I have to admit I learn so much in high school. I learn about friendships, the society, and other things that matter a lot for me. I am also a bit scared and excited because this is gonna be the year that will shape my future. 

People begin to ask me those general questions for all 12 graders; "which university you would like to attend?" "what's your choice for college?" "what do you want to be?" and I am always speechless and confused. To be honest I still have no idea. I've been thinking about taking Medical School but it is said to be the most expensive of all and also the hardest (well no kidding). It takes around 7 years to be able to become a doctor. And most Med School students wouldn't have much time to do anything else but studying and memorizing the materials given to them. I do mind. I don't want to focus on academics only. There are things I really want to do later besides continuing my studies. My family, however, hoping that I'll be a doctor because none of us has ever been in med school. 

My other choices are Industrial Engineering and Psychology but then again I'm not really into engineering despite the fact that I'm a physics student. Psychology may be suitable for me, tho. Well... still, at this moment my choices are still pretty much abstract. My actual passion is astronomy but since it's not necessary in here I have no other choice but to look up for other possible studies. 

For sure I have to be careful not to take the wrong studies because I have to deal with them for years and they will decide the possible future jobs I'll be taking. 

And the way to the future starts... now, in the year where I am becoming a 12th grader. 

I kinda understand why most adults and college students told me they miss being high school students. 

Friday, July 20, 2012

HAL KESOMBONGAN


Apa itu hidup? Mengapa hidup harus dijalankan oleh begitu banyak individu, yang menyatu dalam satu alam? Mengapa masing-masing individu harus saling berbagi dunia, tempat dimana hidup itu sendiri berjalan?

            Hidup itu adalah bagian dari pembelajaran, dimana masing-masing pihak yang terlibat harus bersama-sama mencari cara untuk menjalankan hidup yang adil dan setara. Apa yang dimaksud dengan adil dan setara? Kasih dan damai yang terbagi rata oleh semua makhluk hidup; saling memberi, saling menerima.

            Dalam hal ini, adalah penting bagi masing-masing individu untuk memiliki kelebihan masing-masing agar bisa saling memenuhi. Tentu saja kelebihan itu merupakan suatu berkat, dan sesuatu baru bisa dikatakan sebagai berkat bila bisa dibagi dan digunakan untuk orang lain. Mengapa orang lain itu perlu? Karena berkat merekalah kita hidup, dan karena hidup itu berkat maka secara alamiah ia akan berfungsi bila dibagikan.

            Kelebihan merupakan suatu berkat yang dimiliki semua individu di alam semesta, sadar atau tidak sadar. Maka dari itu kelebihan bukanlah sesuatu yang istimewa dan patut dijadikan suatu tonjolan. Kelebihan adalah alat penyempurna hidup yang kita dapatkan dari Sang Pencipta. Ingatlah bahwa ini berarti kelebihan bukan sesuatu yang sepenuhnya dimiliki kita sebagai subjek kehidupan, dan suatu kelebihan adalah milik bersama.

            Sebagai subjek kehidupan, sekali lagi kita hidup untuk saling melengkapi dan saling membutuhkan. Untuk menjalankan pernyataan ini, maka kita harus menyetarakan diri dengan subjek kehidupan yang lainnya. Tidak, bukan berarti kita harus menyatakan diri tidak sempurna, sebab itu merupakan suatu kesalahan. Semuanya itu sempurna, maka tak perlulah kita beritahu semua orang bahwa kita itu sempurna. Sesungguhnya mereka sudah tahu. Kalaupun mereka tidak tahu, mereka akan tahu.

            Apa yang terjadi jika kita memposisikan diri di kasta yang tertinggi? Hidup dan kelebihan kita akan menjadi sia-sia. Bukan berarti kita tak bisa menjalankan kelebihan yang kita miliki. Masih bisa dan masih mungkin, tapi ia tak akan banyak membuahkan berkat baru layaknya jika ditanamkan di tanah yang kita bagi dengan orang lain.

            Itulah mengapa orang Buddha sering mengatakan “orang bijak tak banyak berbicara dan berkomentar”, sebab orang yang bijak tahu bahwa hal yang terpenting dari hidup adalah aksi, bukannya omongan. Tak banyak yang bisa kita peroleh dari omongan belaka, sebab hidup itu berjalan, hidup membutuhkan tindakan. Jujur memang perlu, tapi ketika menyampaikan kejujuran, berikan informasi sekucupnya saja. Kalimat-kalimat yang berbubuhkan hiperbola bisa menyinggung pihak lain, dan yang ada kita tidak menjalankan hidup yang penuh kasih atas sesama.

            Dengan menjalankan hidup bersama individu-individu yang lain, kita pun patut menghargai keberadaan mereka dengan menunjukkan kasih sayang dan saling menghormati. Saling menghormati berarti mementingkan keberadaan orang lain layaknya orang lain mementingkan keberadaan kita. Begitulah hukum harmonis yang harusnya dijalani siapapun yang terlibat dalam hidup. Apabila yang berlaku adalah sebaliknya, maka hidup akan menjadi stagnan, dan berkat akan menjadi basi. 


Tuesday, July 10, 2012

GELAP DAN TERANG

Mereka berdua berdiri berhadap-hadapan, di bawah sinar temaram dari lantera yang bergantungan di dahan pepohonan. Mereka hanya dapat melihat masing-masing akibat kegelapan yang pekat dan cahaya yang terlalu remang. Keduanya begitu berbeda, namun ada satu hal yang membuat mereka sama. 

Si pria tampak gusar. Kalung yang memeluk lehernya digenggam erat-erat, menunjukkan urat yang tadinya tersembunyi di balik kulit tangannya. Balutannya membuat sebagian dari dirinya terlihat seakan-akan telah termakan oleh kegelapan. 

Si gadis berusaha tenang, setenang rimbunan daun yang dibuai angin sepoi dari timur hutan. Kalungnya turut terayun, seakan-akan tak mau menghiraukan gelap yang menguasai tempat itu. Balutannya memantulkan cahaya remang lentera pohon dengan lembut. 

Mata mereka bertemu, dan masing-masing dari mereka tahu bahwa mereka belum lupa akan apa yang pernah terjadi. Yang pernah terjadi dulu...

Gadis itu masih belia dan polos. Dunia di sekitarnya adalah dunia yang sejahtera, dunia yang tersembunyi dan terlupakan oleh realita. Dengan hati yang tenang, dipanjatnya gunung itu, sampai-sampai ia tidak sadar bahwa ia telah keluar dari dunianya yang terperangkap oleh kedamaian.

Matanya tertuju pada sebuah pondok yang berdiri di puncak gunung. Pondok itu tunggal, namun berpenghuni. Keingintahuan si gadis mendorongnya untuk mengetuk pintu pondok itu, hingga membuatnya terbuka secara perlahan seraya menghasilkan bunyi derik kecil. 

Pintu yang kian terbuka mulai menunjukkan isi pondok itu sedikit demi sedikit. Di balik tembok kayu tua, terdapat sebuah keluarga yang sepertinya telah dianggap hilang oleh kehidupan nyata. Mereka semua membalutkan diri dengan hitam, termasuk seorang pria muda yang berdiri persis di depan si gadis.

Senyum dibalas oleh senyum, sampai si pria melihat sesuatu yang begitu familiar melekat pada leher gadis itu. Ya, kalungnya. Kalung yang begitu sederhana, namun sama persis dengan kalung yang digunakan oleh si pria. Dengan sigap, digenggamnya tangan gadis itu. Sang gadis terkejut dan mengelak sebelum dirinya ditarik masuk ke dalam pondok, namun pada awalnya ia tak tahu bahwa sikapnya barusan dapat merubah raut wajah pria itu dengan drastis. Dengan segera ia diselimuti amarah dan rasa frustasi, dan gadis yang malang itu ia kejar hingga ke kaki gunung. Amukan si pria membuatnya terlihat sebagai si buas yang tak lagi dapat mengendalikan diri. Begitu dekat dirinya dengan si gadis, akan tetapi si gadis beruntung; kesigapannya membuatnya mampu menyelamatkan diri dan bersembunyi dalam lalu-lalang tahun yang membuatnya kian dewasa. Si pria tak menemukannya dan ia semakin gusar; ia masih terperangkap dalam balutan hitam dan dunianya yang begitu terpencil. 

Si gadis masih bersembunyi, si pria tak lagi mencari. Namun hatu nurani si gadis dirasuki rasa bersalah, dan si pria masih dikuasai kegusaran. Ingin sekali ia bersatu dengan gadis itu, gadis yang sebetulnya setara dengannya, namun hidup sebagai lawannya. 

Setelah bertahun-tahun, si gadis keluar dari persembunyiannya. Dipanjatnya kembali gunung itu, dan ditemukannya kembali pondok yang dulu pernah mengancamnya. Keluarga itu masih disana bersama si pria, bersama dengan hitam yang membalut masing-masing penghuni pondok. 

Kembali si gadis mengetuk pintu itu, dan ditariknya tangan si pria dengan segera. Si pria berusaha melawan, akan tetapi respon si gadis sama cepatnya dengan perlawanan yang ia lakukan. Hal yang sama pernah terjadi bertahun-tahun yang lalu, dan ini membuat mereka sadar bahwa ternyata mereka setara. 

Ketika sang surya telah bersembunyi di balik gunung yang dengan megahnya menutupi sebagian dari langit senja, mereka tiba di suatu tempat yang sama-sama jauh dari pondok ataupun dunia si gadis yang damai. Tempat itu dipenuhi pepohonan; masing-masing dengan satu lentera yang digantungkan di dahan yang paling kokoh. Mereka berdiri berhadap-hadapan dan pandang mereka bertemu. Kalung mereka yang persis sama masih melilit di leher masing-masing. 

Bibir si pria bergetar, mengeluarkan semua keluh kesah dan beban yang telah lama ia tanggung. Masih berat rasanya membiarkan gadis itu pergi tanpa mengajarinya jejak si pria sejak awal. Barangkali, mereka bisa bersatu dalam balutan hitam. Barangkali, mereka akan menjadi kokoh dan bahagia jika demikian. Tapi si gadis masih menggunakan balutan terang, kontras dengan pilihan si pria. 

Sang gadis berdiri diam, membiarkan sang pria memuntahkan kata demi kata dan alasan demi alasan. Jangkrik-jangkrik penghuni dedaunan coklat di atas tanah menyanyikan detik kian detik yang telah lewat. Sudah ratusan kali mereka berseru di dalam kegelapan, namun si gadis masih terdiam dengan sabar. 

Baru ketika sang pria mengatup bibirnya dan kawanan jangkrik berhenti bernyayi, sang gadis mengulurkan tangannya. Matanya membalas tatapan sang pria yang tajam dengan lembut, selembut busa-busa ombak di pinggir pantai. Ia menunggu sang pria untuk memilih. Sang pria yang masih bingung mengunyah waktu untuk memutuskan. 

Jauh di dalam hati nuraninya, sang pria tahu bahwa ia lelah berlari. Ia lelah dengan kegusaran yang selama ini menjadi bayangan atas dirinya. Ia lelah dengan balutan hitam yang menyelimutinya. 

Diraihnya tangan gadis itu dengan pelan. Semakin dekat jemarinya yang kuat dengan jemari mungil si gadis, semakin terang nyala lentera-lentera yang bergantungan di hutan itu. Barulah ketika ia berhasil menggenggam tangan si gadis, ia sadar bahwa ternyata kegelapan yang tadinya membatasi pandangannya hanyalah bagian dari ilusi. Balutan hitam yang tadinya melekat pada diri si pria terjatuh ke atas tanah secara perlahan dan akhirnya lenyap ditelan tumpukan daun kuning-kecoklatan. Bersama-sama, si gadis dan si pria melangkah keluar, ke arah terbitnya matahari. 

Sunday, July 8, 2012

AKU DAN HATI

Ah, untuk apa aku memedam sakit dan iri.
Jika hatiku adalah temanku, maka aku harus memberikannya yang terbaik.
Adalah suatu keharusan bagiku untuk menyadari bahwa hatiku jauh lebih penting dari kefanaan egoisme dan sandiwara. 
Mereka akan musnah tertumpuk hukum alam dan kebenaran,
tapi aku dan hati akan terus menarik nafas bersama. 
Maka dari itu, hati ini berhak mendapatkan ketenangan, kesadaran bahwa dirinya berharga.
Sebab bila ia tahu siapa dirinya yang sesungguhnya, maka aku pun ikut mempelajari dan memahami diriku sendiri.
Aku dan hatiku adalah teman yang saling memiliki dan saling memenuhi.
Apalah artiku sebagai seorang manusia tanpa hati, dan apalah arti hati jika ia tak bertuan?
Pengendalian diri dan ketenangan adalah hadiahku untuk hati,
 dan hati akan menguatkanku serta memberiku jalan kepada sebuah taman di lembah bukit.
Taman ini berdiri di masa kini,
dan bukit itu menantiku di masa depan. 
Bagaimana dengan jurang yang berada di masa lalu?
Ah sudahlah, aku tak perlu melemparkan pandangan ke belakang.
Demi temanku, hati. 

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

ROBIN; EVERYONE'S FAVORITE MALE DOG

My big families have dogs, and of course I knew all of them. I also have two, a sausage dog named Snowy and a big dog named Robin. He's 2 years old he's the newest in our fams but he's very special. 

He's pretty much a mysterious dog, came from my uncle's neighborhood. A guard brought Robin to my uncle's house, regarding that he owned dogs, and he might be interested to have him. The guard said that his original owner was a child who lives nearby, but he could not take a good care of him so his parents decided to give him away. At that moment my uncle already had 3 dogs, but he kept Robin anyway because he adores him. That time, Robin was only around 6 months old. 

My uncle asked me and my grandma if we would like to keep him as a guard dog, since grandma does need a dog to guard the house at night. Robin is a half-retriever and half-herder, so he's big in size and he barks and runs a lot. But at the time I first saw him he did not barked at me, rather licking my arms and cried when I left. Grandma and I eventually adore him, and we decided to keep him here.

We already have a little sausage dog named Snowy, and we feel bad for her because we aren't in the house all the time and she was there all by herself so we decided to gave her a friend. So ever since Robin came, the house is not a quiet and peaceful place anymore. Every morning and every night, there will always be barks, here and there. Robin himself is a very hyper dog, and we were getting exhausted of controlling him. But after all of the chaos he did, he's still a good dog, and the only one who's so very happy and excited to see me coming home from school, especially when I bring some leftovers from lunch. 

Out of all dogs I've owned in my entire life, I must say that he is the best. He was there with me when I struggled against the culture shocks during the 10th grade, and is still there when I'm enjoying my 11th grade life. Sometimes I'm annoyed by his noisy and chaotic behavior but out of all, he's a happy dog who loves to entertain everyone. 

Months ago I was having a hard time because of things that I have to handle on my own, but I did not say anything to anyone so nobody noticed. Robin, the hyper dog, was not being hyper when he saw me, and that was pretty much unusual. He sat in front of me and stare at me for a long time, seemingly trying to ask if there's anything wrong. I hugged him, and expected him to jump at me since it is his usual reaction each time I hug him. But he did not. He sat still. From that day I concluded that dogs are more emphatic than humans themselves, and this is why dogs are man (and girl)'s best friends. 

Dropping stuffs is one thing that this dog often does so it's not so surprising for us and he usually act as if nothing's happened, but few days ago he dropped my mom's bike and just looked at me with a guilty expression on his face while putting his tail down, trying to say sorry. As I brought him to the corner of the garage to tied him there, he licked my arm and pushed my leg with his nose. That melted my heart but I do regret that did not notice how strange he's been acting ever since. 

As a male dog he eats a lot, perhaps his daily portion is twice than my own. But he is still very skinny although he had his once/6 months vaccine. Lately he's not being hyper like usual. He did not jump on the backyard door to see if there's anyone in the living room. He entered the house calmly. He did not cry when he heard our voices in the living room. Mom and I have already noticed how he changed, but we did not know that this would happen. 

Nothing's sadder than seeing Snowy laying in the backyard all by herself without her giant friend, and hearing about how shocked Grandma was when she knew that Robin had died (she's currently in the US so she hasn't see Robin for more than a month). Before she had Robin and Snowy, Grandma had a favorite sausage dog and a golden retriever, but both died. She must be in trauma now and it would be hard for us to find another dog for both Snowy and Grandma. 

Even when I'm typing this right now, I still can't believe this. Rest in peace, buddy. 



Tuesday, July 3, 2012

FACES

I had some weird yet realistic dreams lately, and I've been doing a lot of moves in each dream. I even feel like I'm way more active in my dreams rather than reality itself. Well actually, having weird dreams is nothing new to me. Since I was 12, I hardly have normal dreams, not even deep sleep. I have to be honest that sometimes I cannot even compare which is real and which is not, since the dreams begin to come more frequently as I grow up. 

Anyway, what makes my dreams strange is that I met some people that I don't even know in real life and that they seemed so very realistic. They are just random people, each brings different kind of wackiness. I tried to illustrate some of them, and here they are.

I met her when i was 12. She has the typical American kid looks, and always seem to wear a red hood. Her appearance first came when I got this dream of riding a bicycle in the woods with her. Although I don't know her in real life we were like friends in the dream. We laugh and do stuffs together until she accidentally fell into a cliff that's covered by quicksand. She was badly injured and was helpless to get herself out of the sand. I panicked, so I ran as quick as possible to the town. Unfortunately, everyone was so busy so no one noticed me. I came back to the woods to see that she had disappeared. 

Right after that weird dream, she "came" into my dreams several times and sometimes an image of her would just popped inside my mind. Another dream that involved her is when I was in a haunted empty house with her. She pointed her finger to some corners of the house, stating that she saw an old woman and a lady while I saw completely nothing. Finally, at her 3rd times of pointing to a corner, I could finally see what she saw; a ghostly woman looking straight at me. The blonde girl was able to run away, but I couldn't even move that time. I was as still as a statue. 

The last time I saw her is when she came as an adult, again appearing in the wood. But it was not the same wood as the place where she disappeared. She's still pretty much the same, but taller and that time she wore a red tees. There were some snakes in the wood, and she stepped on a red short snake until it died. She brought me to a swamp to see a tame crocodile. 


This had this one two nights ago. I dreamed of being in an airport when I met a boy whom I made friends with. Later, he introduced me to his mother, and they were running from something. They stopped at an old shop, and I saw the mother of the boy talking to a ghostly appearance of a young girl who seemed to be 15 years old. The girl pointed her finger to a shelf as the mother followed her direction. She came into the shelf and opened the hidden door only to find a green shirt and a pair of boots. The mother told me that her daughter was killed by a man, and that they are a Vietnamese family. From my personal thoughts, the shirt and the boots are the clues of the murdered, and from the appearance of the girl herself, she looked like she is not forgiving the man at all. I talked about this dream to a friend, and he told me that I should be helping them getting rid of the grudge that makes them stuck in a cycle of life. They probably came from different time (from the look of it, my guess is they were from the 70s) and asked me for help. 


Her visit is probably the most essential of all. She is a very beautiful Javanese lady with traditional clothes. She was sitting in a garden full of colorful flowers and birds, but at that moment I cannot see the birds, only hearing their various sounds. She asked me if I can guess the color of each bird just by listening to each of their voice. I realized that it was a practice in real life. As soon as I woke up and did my normal activities, I noticed that the society was like the group of birds that sang in the lady's garden. Each of their soul vibrates different characteristics, different emotions, different potentials. It was actually a practice to develop empathy, to develop one's ability to feel her surroundings. 

Right after that dream, an image of her would popped in my mind sometimes, until now. Sometimes I can feel her presence even though I cannot actually see her, literally. I once tried to ask who she was, and she said that I should find out myself. I personally believe she was my mother in one of my past lives, back when I was a princess in an ancient Javanese kingdom. 

There are some more faces I should illustrate but I'll draw them later. Maybe I would make a part 2 of this topic. 

Namaste!
Kezia~