I was in the state where I'm at peace. I can feel the presence of connections among people and myself. I know that all the troubles and lessons that came to me during the 16 years of my life, it is not the end of blessings and chaos yet. I kept in mind that the challenge is not yet here, and I have to prepare everything for challenge grows with time. As people grow older they will have to face bigger challenge too.
And so there I was, sitting in the crowd while watching these people came and go. Despite dressing in a typical way, each of them are unique. I began to wonder what would these people have in mind if they are the ones who see me walking from a corner to another corner.
All in the sudden, my mind drifted into nothingness while my eyes were still catching up with the pace of those people. A faded image of a woman popped inside my head. She was standing on a very beautiful garden. I can see flowers and trees living in harmony.
She brought me into the center of this garden. There was a deep cliff hidden by the scenery of green-blue forest. The view was beautiful at the first sight, but when I looked down there was a complete darkness. There were thorns, there were no life.
Before I could ask the meaning that this garden represents, the woman told me through silent language that this garden is what my heart looked like. There is love and kindness, but there is a spot that eventually covers the vibes. And this spot has been hidden for years without me realizing its presence. It is a wound that needs to be healed.
I looked at the cliff. There is no life, but there were memories. They are the memories of my childhood.
They are the events that left a deep trauma during my childhood. I knew that I will never be able to forget them, but I always thought that I'm now able to carry on. I was wrong. the pain is still there, hiding deep inside my heart. And it is responsible for giving sudden agony and illness.
It was the moment where I realize I cannot rely on myself every single time. I always thought that I can handle everything myself, but there is a time where I need the help of others. I guess I need to get out from the shell and talk about it to a trustworthy and wise person. It is the only way to get these memories out from that cliff so I can plant some vibes of life inside of it.
So there goes my first challenge, and it came just in time. Simple enough as a beginning, but it takes extra effort and courage for a person like me.
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