THE LIST OF THINGS I'VE DONE IN MY LIFE

Artwork by Rala Choi. Picture taken from berlin-artparasites

1. I anonymously sent a love poem to my first crush. Somehow the whole school found out, and a group of boys bullied me for expressing my true feelings. I was young and very shy, but I wanted so much to express my feelings freely. Years have passed, and if I have the chance to see my younger self and talk to her, I'd say I am proud of her for breaking the comfort zone. My first crush might hated me back then, but I have no absolute regret. 

2. I skipped prayer-breaks back in high school because I was curious on what the other kids are doing. I was grouped with the christian kids and every lunch time we would read verses from the bible and say our prayers. I don't feel like it's my kind of thing, so I decided to explore and find my own spiritual path. I shared interesting conversations with my spiritual teacher, my buddhist teacher and my jehovah witness' friends. I discovered my spiritual path and develop my personal belief from this experience (even though I had to get in trouble several times), and I have no absolute regret. 

3. I forgot to bring my umbrella and it was raining outside. I waited for it to stop, but after a couple of hours I knew it's going to last for the entire day. So I thought to myself, "fuck it, I'm going for a shower!" and ran through the pouring rain. I forgot how fun it is to jump on puddles. I got sick the next day, but I have no absolute regret. 

4. One of my closest friends made a confession to me. She told me she's into girls, and she was afraid that the society might judge her harshly. I grew up in a religious environment, so I knew what it's like to be "different". I told her that I accept her no matter what, and respect her courage to tell me about this. I might went up against my religion, but I have no absolute regret. 

5. I found out that my childhood friends had been talking shit behind my back because I'm a completely different person now. I confronted them and I simply moved on. I might've lost my childhood friends, but I'm now surrounded by good, supportive friends, and I'm much more comfortable being the new person I am now, so I have no absolute regret. 

6. My girl friends and I stayed awake through the night and talked about intimacies and intercourse. Some of us made a confession about our deepest fantasies. We live in a place where it's taboo to fantasize about sex (especially for girls) and it's wrong to wear revealing dress, so I felt a sense of relief during our late night conversation. This inspires me to break the taboo rules and make some erotic arts. I believe that girls have the right to discover their sexual pleasures and explore their own body. My sketch book is full of nude girls, and I have no absolute regret. 

7. I had been holding a deep grudge on someone from my childhood. It's a complicated story and I'd rather not write it down, but long story short, the person was being manipulative and abusive to my adolescent self. 10 years have passed and I decided to spare myself from the memories by forgiving that person even though the person never asks for forgiveness. 

What I did might not be as daring as what a main character in your favorite novel did, but these things change me as a person, and life still has so much to offer. I'm grateful for the changes, the tragedies and revelations in my life.