There are some days where I share the room with groups of people, but I still feel so alone. I have lots of friends and I'm blessed with the ability to socialize with any kinds of people, but at some point I feel like my world falls apart and people go. The traumas haunted me as I tried many times to get rid of it and failed because of the fear that it will happen to me again.
Back then I had no one to cry to or to lean on, and I wasn't safe anywhere. That was my past. Now I have friends and trustworthy best friends that are always available to help anyway they can, cousins that will always have topics to cover the silence, caring families, supportive foreign friends and teachers. I am not rich, but I have everything I need. I have talents and gifts and sometimes I don't even feel like I deserve them, but God blesses me. Reality says I am lucky and gifted.
The traumatic events covered everything up, creating a dark atmosphere that blinds my sight. It feels heavy to climb my way up and clean the atmosphere so that I can see the infinite gifts I have... I know whatever happened to me, it is still nothing. I told myself many times, and yet I am still battling against my ego. I won once, and I have to win again for forever. I just have to win. I just have to fight my own fear.
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