IDEALISM VS REALITY

Long ago, after showing my dad some of my drawings, he told me I'm capable of becoming an architect, so I grew up believing that someday I'll be an architect. But in later years, after going through some experiences, that dream seemed to change into some other things I thought I can to do for a living. An engineer, a doctor, and then... a scientist. I made my final choice by applying to a research-based university, hoping that I can be one of the best scientists and that I can change the faith of my country, I can make money for myself, marry my other half, raise and educate my future children so they grow up to make positive changes in their environment at least. And I can buy a nice home for my parents as a gift of gratitude, even though it's never enough to pay everything they've sacrificed for me. 

But lately I've been asking myself a question: Am I living my own dream or someone else's?

Clearly those are what almost everyone in this world wants. Get some education, make money to live a better life, live a long life, etc. And I was raised to believe that those things are the only key to true happiness. But I've never asked myself what happiness is. I define happiness by thinking about others, what would they get if I can make enough money to support them. Sure, I'll be proud of myself if I can afford a luxurious life for my loving parents and my future family. And to do so I need to have a promising job, and there are few choices of promising jobs, most of them might not be enjoyable for someone like me. After undergoing some courses, I feel like this isn't really my thing. I begin to lose my interest in quite everything. 

Call my crazy, but this is what I really want:

I want to roam freely in nature, where peace lies. To make artworks and write some poems and stories in a small wooden cabin on the mountain, surrounded by the forest, near a fresh lake. No dependency on phones or how much money I have left, there's just me and the sound of nature, and starry sky at night.

Being distracted by the dreams that most define, I begin to abandon my true talents and gifts. I lose my ability to communicate with the loving spirits, to astral travel, to express myself through arts both sketched and written. I begin to forget who I truly am. Sure, it's their dream, have it their way, but mine is different. 

But being in this kind of world, it's hard to live that kind of life, huh? I might not be able to survive, I'm a homeless person without a home and money, I'm not a part of the society without wearing the latest trends. Safety can only be provided by technology and modern lifestyle. 

I never really care how long or short my life would be, I don't fear death. I just want to live my life to the fullest.