STAGNANT

I am currently in the state where I got tired of my spiritual experiences because I hardly have someone to share my experiences with and I don't like keeping things to myself (what's the point of learning something new if you don't share it anyway). Here in my environment, it's hard to develop either. I hardly get any support and when I was getting close to get one, things happen, and I eventually have no choice but to find my own way. It really is okay, and it's better to learn things from personal experiences, but I just can't stand doing all of these alone and I feel like a freak for being so different. I really do need guidances and advices. 

Things are getting pretty messed up lately. I'm pressured by high requirements I have to fulfill later in college years, I'm tired of doing all of these madness alone, and haunted again by some things from the past. I even begin to wonder why I have this gift to do things that are pretty 'new' and strange by most when I hardly have any chance to get some help. By the time I have one, there is always something on the way, and then I'm all friggin alone again. No wonder I'm left behind; while everyone who shares the same gifts has made half of their way, I'm still stuck, and I develop pretty slowly compared to others. 

Point is, I'm sick of being so lonely and feeling stagnant. If this situation doesn't change I'll just have to deactivate my ability and try being normal a bit.