No matter how cool and confident I look I always have the fear to go out to a new society. Due to a bad experience years ago, I always have this fear of being rejected and unaccepted. This is why to some people, I look so quiet and serious while I am actually not. I've been struggling for years and today I decided to do something about it.
Today is Easter day (Oh by the way, happy Easter guys! :D) and I went to an International Church with my big fams to celebrate. I am an official member of this church and yet I realize not everyone recognize me because I rarely greet everyone and talk with them. I would just hang with my cousin until my aunt decided to go home or so.
Anyways this is what I did; before I go I took some origami, cut them into heart-shaped tiny papers, and write a message on each of them.
After the Worshiping session people in the church had some snacks and chit chat. I looked around, observing the people... and after taking a lot of guts inside I gave the papers into some of these people and I actually got positive feedbacks from them!
So what was the message? Simple, it was 'you are loved'. First of all, since today is a special day for these people I wanted to make it more special. Secondly, it's been a full-of-pressure year for everyone and I wanted to remind them that they are precious whilst trying to give the same note to myself. Third, a good start ends with a good end. To deal with this 'fear' I have to make a good start and keep a positive mind. This method is very simple yet challenging for me, but overall my action went well and I could even start a very nice conversation with some of these people.
Well when I did that there's still some fear inside of me so I didn't have the gut to give these papers to everyone. But I do think that this is a wonderful progress, tho. The beginning of my own freedom.
Namaste!
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