NOTE-TO-SELF OF THE DAY

10 years ago, I was a very shy and quiet girl. I avoided mirrors because I was ashamed of myself; I felt ugly and worthless. I was obese, so the pretty clothes never fit me. There was a guy I like, but somehow the rumors had spread throughout the school. Since then, I was constantly bullied by a group of senior boys, they said I looked like gorilla and I don't deserve anyone. That moment, my only wish is to disappear or to be someone else. I wanted to change my body, I wanted to look like other girls. 

But girls grow up gracefully, and now I'm grateful for having a chance to grow both physically and psychologically. Whenever I look at the mirror, I can now see that I have a pair of beautiful brown eyes and natural thick eyelashes, thick eyebrows and bright skin, all of my physical features that I adore. Many may disagree, but I see myself as a beautiful woman, even though there are lots of girls out there who were gifted with natural beauty. Even though I cannot have the slim model-sih type of body, I'm happy to just be myself. I won't trade this body with anyone else's. I wear whatever I like without having to consider what others may think of it. Moreover, I realize that I'm more than just an Indonesian chubby girl (I lost a lot of weight in a healthy way, because I do care about myself and I want to take care of my own body!), I have potentials and skills, and I'm educated. I've gained my confidence, at last. And while I do appreciate other's opinion, I won't let it affect my confidence. In my mindset, I am beautiful and intelligent. I deserve to be confident whatever the circumstances are. 

So my message to girls out there is this, society has beauty standards and it's always there. It changes and adapts with the era, but there's always a group of people who can't fit in. Never lose confidence, always remember that you are unique in your own way. You're born that way and nothing can change that, but instead of going through plastic surgery, be grateful of your body. Be grateful that you can work with your hands and legs, be grateful and take a good care of the body you're using. All of us have that one unique physical feature others were dying to have. You may not be gifted with natural beauty like other girls your age, but some of you are natural-born musician, writer, artist, or scientist, and those things are cool too! And it's true that you look more beautiful once you have confidence. I compared a picture of myself 10 years ago and now; my facial features haven't changed much, but there's this bright and positive energy around my current pictures. Shine in your own way, and like what my cousin always says, never be the second version of anyone else.