I'm getting very comfortable with my current lifestyle now but at the same time I'm not making any progress for the better. I still can't support myself financially, I'm not losing any weight, I still have no significant achievement in college. Last month especially, had been pretty tough after I saw my grades and had a huge fight with my best friend. I felt retarded and awful, two of the worst feelings ever existed. I'm able to handle this kind of situation now, my best friend and I are talking to each other again, I'm doing my best to fix my grade and I'm not giving up on my workout. Still I think something is wrong, or not working.
The past few days I feel something strange inside myself. Few days ago when it all started I suffered from low blood pressure (still recovering now) and that's when I slept for 12 hours straight, which is unusual for me because I rarely overslept. I knew I need to wake up, but I could barely open my eyes and move my body, another sleep paralysis experience minus the scary-looking spirits. That moment gave me another meaningful dream I believe I needed to experience.
The dream brought me to a fancy, high-class apartment and all of my family and high school friends were there, but they seemed to ignore me or they just didn't notice my existent. But a security guard seemed to notice my presence, and he accused me for stealing one of the apartment keys. I tried to avoid him and ended up lost in the hidden corner of the apartment where I found a small but luxurious library. The shelves and the floor were made of marbles and the collections looked old, yet the library was completely empty. I walked around and found another hidden corner inside the library; there was a desk with a Tibetan singing bowl on it, and there was a sign that said the library provides free aura healing service. I passed out for whatever reason I still don't understand, and a monk came in to carry me and talk to me. He asked me to stay focus and started asking me random questions like the name of my pets, things I like to do, my favorite colors, but there are noises around us like the sound of doors, wardrobes and drawers being held open and heavy books slammed onto the floor, and they are getting louder. He kept telling me to stay focus, but the noises were louder then ever and I couldn't hear a thing he said. The noises woke me up from that dream eventually, but this time I completely understand what it means without any assistant.
I've been too distracted and out of the root, I put away my responsibilities and I waste my talents to live the life I have now. Back then I did what I'm meant to do, but this turns me into an alien and I found it hard to fit in. I had very few friends back in school days and I don't blame them because I do realize I'm too strange to be around them. That's when I decided to throw away what defines me and blend in, and it worked. Now I have friends and I can say that I'm quite popular here, I had too much fun I didn't pay any attention to my intuition and conscience. They have been screaming and yelling at me but like I said, I've felt too comfortable with the lifestyle I have now. And here I am, failing in life and not making any significant progress, which explains why my energy field is getting weaker than ever.
I need to start making changes here and there soon and get away from my own comfort zone. I'm opening my ears to my conscience and paying attention to my intuition again, and they told me I need to figure out things all by myself, how can I make such a dramatic change so I can make at least a step further from where I am now. I used to have some help from my gifted teacher, who noticed my troubles and unused talents back in high school before I even said a word to him and I used to have plenty of help from my best friend, but after that fight and I lose contact with my teacher I realize that I'm on my own now. I believe they're making changes themselves, and I can't always rely on someone else to help me if I want to live life properly.
I figure going somewhere remote and reconnect with nature alone would make the best first step, I'll be able to clear my mind and gain my confidence and determination back. But I do realize I need to make it happen instead of waiting for it to happen. It's a crucial step because I can't do things right without confidence and I won't get the result I want without determination. Being alone would make me stop being so concerned about what others think of me; all this time I feel like they're looking down at me because I'm surrounded with friends and family who are making progress (be that academic achievements, career or weight-loss plan) and here I am, still the fat stupid looser like always. And yes that'll make me stop hating myself so much too.
I've been too distracted and out of the root, I put away my responsibilities and I waste my talents to live the life I have now. Back then I did what I'm meant to do, but this turns me into an alien and I found it hard to fit in. I had very few friends back in school days and I don't blame them because I do realize I'm too strange to be around them. That's when I decided to throw away what defines me and blend in, and it worked. Now I have friends and I can say that I'm quite popular here, I had too much fun I didn't pay any attention to my intuition and conscience. They have been screaming and yelling at me but like I said, I've felt too comfortable with the lifestyle I have now. And here I am, failing in life and not making any significant progress, which explains why my energy field is getting weaker than ever.
I need to start making changes here and there soon and get away from my own comfort zone. I'm opening my ears to my conscience and paying attention to my intuition again, and they told me I need to figure out things all by myself, how can I make such a dramatic change so I can make at least a step further from where I am now. I used to have some help from my gifted teacher, who noticed my troubles and unused talents back in high school before I even said a word to him and I used to have plenty of help from my best friend, but after that fight and I lose contact with my teacher I realize that I'm on my own now. I believe they're making changes themselves, and I can't always rely on someone else to help me if I want to live life properly.
I figure going somewhere remote and reconnect with nature alone would make the best first step, I'll be able to clear my mind and gain my confidence and determination back. But I do realize I need to make it happen instead of waiting for it to happen. It's a crucial step because I can't do things right without confidence and I won't get the result I want without determination. Being alone would make me stop being so concerned about what others think of me; all this time I feel like they're looking down at me because I'm surrounded with friends and family who are making progress (be that academic achievements, career or weight-loss plan) and here I am, still the fat stupid looser like always. And yes that'll make me stop hating myself so much too.
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