RandomRandomRandom (Again)

Halo.

Petama, gue lagi males nulis pake bahasanya Obama. Jadi untuk foreigners, go get your translator!

Kedua, gue berjanji nggak bakal nulis sesuatu yang depresif lagi disini. Life is a journey, dude. We shall enjoy it, right? ;) walaupun merasa kesepian dan marah itu normal, ada baiknya hal itu tidak dipublikasikan dan disebarluaskan di media ini karena emosi itu menular.

Ketiga, mohon maaf karena gue jarang update. Alasannya bukan karena lagi sibuk tapi gue lagi males nulis entah kenapa. dan akhir-akhir ini gue sedang melewati masa-masa galau, sekarang sih udah back to normal hehehe.

Nah, lanjut.

Jadi, pada hari Jumat tanggal 25 Maret 2011, gue dan seorang sepupu berencana untuk jalan-jalan ke Plaza Indonesia. Berhubung tidak ada mobil, sepupu gue pun mengajak gue untuk menaikki Metro Mini. Gue mengiyakan, sekalian belajar naik bus kan? Nah, beberapa saat kemudian pun kami berangkat.

Beberapa saat kemudian, tibalah kami di Blok M. Ketika hendak menuruni Metro Mini, tiba-tiba busnya melaju dengan kencang. Alhasil, gue terjatuh dengan posisi telentang dan kepala gue terbentur di aspal. Tidak bisa berdiri karena kesakitan, gue dibantu oleh sepupu dan penumpang yang turut turun di Blok M. Sang sopir pun disorakki. "Yah, saya kan ga tau kalo masih ada penumpang yang turun," jawabnya santai, dan akhirnya pun pergi. Kesal, para penumpang dan sepupu gue mengiring gue ke pinggir trotoar dan segera mengambil sebongkah es. Kepala gue yang memar dan bengkak pun segera dikompres. Perasaan malu, kesal, dan kesakitan bercampur menjadi satu. Akhirnya kami menaikki taxi dan melaju ke kantor tante gue.

Selama perjalanan dalam taxi, seorang ibu yang sedang hamil pun datang untuk mengemis. Beliau bermodalkan gitar dan suara yang (maaf) cempreng. Kesal, sepupu gue tidak bersedia untuk memberikan uang sedikitpun. "Nggak liat apa kondisi kita lagi kea gimana," gerutunya. Memang benar sih. Apakah beliau tidak melihat kondisi gue yang sedang dikompres dengan es sebesar upilnya Hulk? Namun sepertinya ia tidak punya hati. "Jablay!" teriak pengemis itu sambil berlalu pergi. Tadinya gue hendak mengambil es kompres yang menekan kepala gue dan melemparnya ke beliau, siapa tahu suhu dingin es itu dapat menyejukkan panasnya aura yang beliau pancarkan dan otomatis mengubah suaranya menjadi lebih bagus, semerdu suaranya Charlotte Church. Tapi gue terlalu egois untuk melakukan hal itu. Toh yang lebih membutuhkan es itu gue. Untuk apa gue berbagi es dengan beliau?

Setelah menunggu di kantor beberapa lama, gue merasa baikkan, dan mengiyakan ajakan tante gue untuk pergi ke PIM. Kami pun makan disana dan mampir ke Metro sebentar. Tiba-tiba rasa pusing dan sakit itu muncul kembali. Kami pun memutuskan untuk datang ke Rumah Sakit untuk pemeriksaan lebih lanjut. Ternyata, kepala gue nggak kenapa-kenapa, cuma mengalami shock karena belom pernah jatuh seperti itu. Gue berasa strong seperti Supergirl karena kepala nggak retak ataupun bocor. Namun perasaan itu hilang setelah gue mengalami pusing yang bertahan selama 2 hari.

Ckckck, emang nasib yak. Niatnya mau ke PI malah nyasar di RS. Tapi kalo dipikir-pikir lagi emang kocak banget hari itu. Pas kejadian emang gue kesel, tapi kalo diinget lagi sekarang lawak abis. Pengalaman pertama naik Metro Mini: FAIL. Kejadiannya sih hanya berlangsung selama beberapa menit, sakitnya berhari-hari, kenangannya abadi (ceileh). Dan hasil X-ray pun gue jadikan profile picture di facebook. Gue pengen memberi tahu dunia bahwa tengkorak gue seksi dan tahan banting, jadi jangan kaget ya kalo lo lagi mengunduh profile facebook gue. Tenang, gue tetep manusia kok.

Dan pelajaran yang gue peroleh dari pengalaman ini:

1. Hati-hati jika menaikki kendaraan umum. Siapa tahu anda tergoda dengan kenek yang ganteng dan kehilangan konsentrasi selama menaikki mesin merah ini.

2. KALO TURUN KAKI KIRI DULU. Oke, ini penting banget. Gue lupa sih waktu itu turun pake kaki apa, yang jelas yaa turunnya pake kaki gue lah. Mungkin emang gue berasa sok kidal (tapi emang gue kidal loh) jadi kebalik. Ternyata hal ini ga ngaruh loh. Jadi tetep aja kalo mau turun kiri dulu.

3. Nggak semua orang di dunia itu jahat. Sebelum mencapai "balanced state" gue emang labil banget. Tiap hari yang gue liat cuma orang jahat, orang egois, orang ga berperasaan, dsb. Tapi saat kejadian, ketika gue melihat orang banyak yang bersedia menolong gue, mata gue pun terbuka. Nggak semua orang di dunia ini sekejam yang gue bayangkan. Masih ada kok yang peduli. Dan gue sangat berterima kasih dengan orang-orang ini, gue berjanji akan membalas budi mereka dengan melakukan kebaikan kepada orang lain ataupun diri mereka sendiri, jika kami bertemu lagi.

4. Masa lalu seseorang dapat mempengaruhi masa depan orang itu. Ketika gue melihat masa lalu si ibu pengemis, ternyata di masa kecilnya beliau diperlakukan dengan kasar. Alhasil, beliau pun memutuskan untuk kabur dari kampung di masa remajanya dan hidup di kota. Sayang, di kota pun ia tidak memiliki teman karena sikapnya yang terbentuk dari masa lalu itu.

Nah, ada cerita lain selain kejadian jatuh dari Metro Mini. Tapi cerita ini hanya fiksi belaka. Jika ada kesamaan karakter dan alur cerita, please, itu hanya kebetulan.

Jadi tadi malem, gue mimpi ketemu sama SuJu. Oke, SUJU???!?!?! sejak kapan gue suka korea-koreaan??? dan yang lebih aneh lagi, they talk in bahasa dude!!! dan gue semobil sama mereka. jadi gue dan Super Junior naik mobil keliling kota yang ga jelas dan berhenti di satu toko es krim. toko itu sepi banget, cuma ada satu karyawan di sana. Ternyata toko itu sepi karena pernah terjadi perselisihan antar karyawan, dan hanya beliau yang memutuskan untuk terus bekerja disitu. Padahal ketika karyawan disitu masih banyak, toko es krim itu laku keras. Ketika kami mencicipi es krim di toko itu, ternyata rasanya memang enak. Sayang sekali toko itu sudah mau ditutup.

Setelah puas makan es krim, kami pun berangkat ke suatu gedung. Namun entah kenapa gue diturunkan di satu jembatan dengan janji bakal nyusulin mereka. akhirnya gue jalan sendiri, dan tiba-tiba ada cewek rambut hitam panjang kaos merah menghampiri gue. "Tolong," katanya dengan suara ketakutan. "Ada orang gila ngejar aku. Tadi aku dipukul pake kaca."

"HAH serius??" jawabku heran.

"Iyaaa, ayo lari, dia di belakang!"

Akhirnya kami pun berlari sekencang-kencangnya, tapi kenapa ya tiap kali ada aksi kejar-kejaran di mimpi kita selalu lari lebih lambat?? akhirnya kami pun hampir disusuli oleh orang gila itu, dan ketika gue menoleh ke arah dia, ternyata yang dipegangnya adalah botol aqua, bukan kaca. Oke, ini bagian mimpi yang paling aneh. Ngapain mukulin orang pake botol aqua??? mukulin orang pake botol aqua itu sangat konyol.

setelah sampai di gedung yang dijanjikan suju, akhirnya gue terbangun. Itu adalah salah satu mimpi teraneh yang pernah gue inget. Dan sebelum lupa, ada baiknya diabadikan disini, siapa tahu dapat menjadi sumber inspirasi para penulis skenario sinetron.

Semoga mimpi ini dapat membuat sinetron menjadi lebih berkualitas.

Sekian.

Well, I've seen better days.

After facing stormy days, I've finally reach my balanced state, where I could feel peaceful and happy. I am finally able to open my eyes and forgive the people, and love them as well. I learn to develop these energies of forgiveness and unconditional love, having some cleansing to throw away all of the negative energies inside me. I am able to control myself from my long last anger, learn to be patient and forgiving toward others. I could finally enter my school with lighter feelings.

Still, deep inside, I still feel loneliness, even if I'm not as lonely as I was. And I don't really know why. Maybe because of the life I'm having right now? Because I'm far away from my parents, or that I haven't recognize the true teen's life? Whatever the answer is, I just want to let go of this loneliness and move on.

I just can't stand it.

Being alone in your own world, stuck in my own illusions and feel disconnected with the real world. I tried to escape my own world, living a normal exciting life with everyone I met, but I cannot find a way to get out from my lone world.

I try to be happy, to get along with everyone, to live a normal teen life; to fall in love and break up with a boyfriend, to hanging out with best friends and have a pajama party with them. Each time I see my friends hanging out with their boy friends or just getting along with each other and talk about their problems or about other things like their favorite bands, I'm getting really jealous. What I see, what I've gone trough, is not the same, and I guess, it will never be. To see what others cannot see and trying to share my sight to others yet they found it as an imagination of mine or that they cannot understand or believe in what I see or what I hear, while those sights and voices are still hanging around me, it hurts. I keep those visions, sights, abilities, and voices by myself, trying to find a normal life story to share, but I hardly own a normal story to share. I don't know what to talk about; I just wish that I would have a teen life story to talk about with my friends or anyone else which I trusted.

I feel cursed, even if these abilities I had are a gift. I found it no use to have these abilities because it brings me pressure each day, and when I feel like I wanted to explode and I need someone to share this, I hardly found people who understands. People, even my own family, starting to think that I'm getting inexpressive and boring, they blame me for being so rude at the internet without knowing to reason why I did that. They said that I should just enjoy my life, but how can I enjoy my alone life? Each time I finally found happiness, something pulls me back to my own dark and alone world, isolated from everything. As I try to forget about everything I see and I hear, and joining the normal life with others, they found me as an awkward, inexpressive, monotone, boring, and so on, because I hardly live a normal life. No body really understands what I've gone trough all of these days, and I'm getting sick of it. They blame me for being too miserable and pathetic, they blame me for being stuck in this dark side of the world. But how can I be happy when I'm stuck here all alone without finding a way to escape? How can I be happy when nobody understands me yet I try to understand everyone? how can I be positive when I've been positive for too long yet stuck in the same dark and alone feelings as a result?

I grew tired of this. I grew tired of being alone, while others still stabbing me and blaming me for everything. "Get a life," they said. and how can I get my life when I've lost one?

I found that my life is no longer useful. I'm not making everyone proud. I'm not making any changes to everyone. I'm not making everyone happy. I'm only a burden. If I really am a lightworker, how can I work in this alone world? How can I escape from my loneliness and pain? When will I find people who understands me?

I tried to change, perhaps there's something wrong with me, and I try to be someone else. yet, something pull me back again. Even if I like myself and I want to be myself, I grew tired of being the self that people do not understand. I want to be understood, I need help, but who can offer a helpful help?

I met many kind people who tried to understand and help me. I feel thankful for that. But I never be truly understood. No one will. Not even my parents or my closest friends. I live my life in this psychic world for far too long, and I hardly feel a normal life. As I wanted to share what I see and what I hear, people think that it's just my imagination or I just made that up to impress people.

I don't know what am I going to do now, or who can I trust to share these feelings. Even if I found one, he or she will never truly understands me. I knew it. I grew tired of being alone. I grew tired of having this psychic abilities even if some people wanted to have it or they think that it was cool. I grew tired of hiding this. I grew tired of being scared and sad yet when I describe the reasons why I feel that way, no one understands. I want to return to my real and happy world. I grew tired of living my life in the earth.

TRYING SOMETHING NEW...

Like this kind of music!



I usually listen to hard rock or heavy metal music, and trying to rest my ears from their loudness. and so I try to find different style of music that would calm my head down and make me relax a bit.

As I watch few animes lately, I found that the opening in "Elfen Lied" is beautiful and calming at the same time. So I listen to this very often when I'm off from metal for a while :)

Well that's all for now. Hope that I'll find another topic and time to post :D