MUSIC SATURDAY - ALICE IN CHAINS

Hello and happy weekend, everybody! After a long week I decided to put aside all my assignments and just do whatever the hell I want. And since I'm getting into grunge and classic rock again, I scrolled over some youtube playlists, and stopped by at one of Alice in Chains' (AIC) old music video.

"You don't understand who they thought I was supposed to be."

Many might point out Nirvana when we're talking about grunge. I love both equally and I appreciate Pearl Jam and Soundgarden as well, but to me (the original, 90s version of) AIC is very emotional and deep. People said that their music is too gloomy, dark, and somber (so it's rather understandable that not everyone listens to AIC), but this is part of why I'm grateful for the existence of this band. 

Like I said before, when it comes to sadness, anger or fear, I'm not expressive and I tend to avoid heart-to-heart talk, but as a person I'm very empathetic. AIC's music allows my deeper emotions to come out of their shell. Whenever the depression lurks back, I play their songs as loud as possible. It helps really, to know that someone else out there understands what you've been through emotionally without having to speak a word. I can't describe how wonderful the lyrics and the tunes are. They don't cheer me up and they aren't meant to cheer anybody, but they help people realize that they have burdens, they have problems, and they are lonely, but that's okay, that's completely humane because everyone, no matter how okay they seem, is going through the same thing. RIP Layne Staley, and thank you so much for being such an inspiration. 

Below is a playlist of one of their hit albums, Jar of Flies (1994). The songs keep me sane and alive till today.  One of the fellow youtube commenter said that Jar of Flies is an amazing piece of art.

Couldn't agree more. 

OPINIONS, OPINIONS, OPINIONS

I feel like talking about my personal opinions on some of the most common yet deep topics in our society. I tried to write them several times in this blog but I was too afraid of any cynical judgements that may come out. But then I thought who the hell cares we're in the 21st century!

Well, here goes.

ON THE EXISTENCE OF GOD AND RELIGION

I'll go straight to the point, I do believe in God, Father, The Universe, The Absolute, whatever you call Him. I believe in the higher power that gives birth to all forms of life, even though existence of God cannot be proven. But some things need to remain as mystery; the universe is infinite and human intelligence are still limited to discover all sides of it. I don't need scientific reasons to believe in God, I believe God is within to guide me. 

But am I religious?

I don't think so.  

In my personal opinion, religions are ways to understand the concept of God and to understand oneself, as well as the meaning of life. Each individual is different, thus the different ways, but at the end they will lead people to the same destination; enlightenment. 

I'm open to all teachings and concepts so I don't dedicate myself to only one belief. I'm also open for atheists and agnostics for such discussion. 

ON GAY MARRIAGE

Gays are human beings as well, they all deserve affection and attention. And love is never limited to a man and a woman. It comes in all forms so if they fall in love with same-sex person, let them be. If you're against homosexuality in the name of religion, religious beliefs have taught us to love one and another unconditionally, so even if we disagree with them, our duty is to treat them equally because equality is what everyone deserves. 

And yet, why hate an act of love? Homosexuality shouldn't be illegal, violence should. 

ON SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE

I'm moderately liberal so I'm fine with girls or guys that want to have sex before marriage, as long as they know the consequences and responsibilities. For me personally, sex should be sacred because it is an act of intimacy between you and your other half whom you might be living with in your lifetime. And sex isn't just about being naked in bed together, it's also about being spiritually and psychologically open to this person, sharing the joys and pains from one and another. 

Marriage, on the other hand, is a commitment held between you and your other half, a way to swear for your faithfulness and acceptance. For me it's wonderful to have sex with only someone you've sworn to love and to be with for the rest of your life. 

ON DIVORCE

I just said that marriage is a way to swear for your faithfulness and acceptance, but sometimes things don't go as planned. The sentence 'til death do us apart' involves both physical and spiritual death in the relationship. When there's no life that came from intimate love in this marriage, one should propose a divorce before the 'dead relationship' do any harm. 

Perhaps that's all for now. I'm open for friendly discussion and I'll be adding more opinions on critical topics later. Thank you for reading :)

IDEALISM VS REALITY

Long ago, after showing my dad some of my drawings, he told me I'm capable of becoming an architect, so I grew up believing that someday I'll be an architect. But in later years, after going through some experiences, that dream seemed to change into some other things I thought I can to do for a living. An engineer, a doctor, and then... a scientist. I made my final choice by applying to a research-based university, hoping that I can be one of the best scientists and that I can change the faith of my country, I can make money for myself, marry my other half, raise and educate my future children so they grow up to make positive changes in their environment at least. And I can buy a nice home for my parents as a gift of gratitude, even though it's never enough to pay everything they've sacrificed for me. 

But lately I've been asking myself a question: Am I living my own dream or someone else's?

Clearly those are what almost everyone in this world wants. Get some education, make money to live a better life, live a long life, etc. And I was raised to believe that those things are the only key to true happiness. But I've never asked myself what happiness is. I define happiness by thinking about others, what would they get if I can make enough money to support them. Sure, I'll be proud of myself if I can afford a luxurious life for my loving parents and my future family. And to do so I need to have a promising job, and there are few choices of promising jobs, most of them might not be enjoyable for someone like me. After undergoing some courses, I feel like this isn't really my thing. I begin to lose my interest in quite everything. 

Call my crazy, but this is what I really want:

I want to roam freely in nature, where peace lies. To make artworks and write some poems and stories in a small wooden cabin on the mountain, surrounded by the forest, near a fresh lake. No dependency on phones or how much money I have left, there's just me and the sound of nature, and starry sky at night.

Being distracted by the dreams that most define, I begin to abandon my true talents and gifts. I lose my ability to communicate with the loving spirits, to astral travel, to express myself through arts both sketched and written. I begin to forget who I truly am. Sure, it's their dream, have it their way, but mine is different. 

But being in this kind of world, it's hard to live that kind of life, huh? I might not be able to survive, I'm a homeless person without a home and money, I'm not a part of the society without wearing the latest trends. Safety can only be provided by technology and modern lifestyle. 

I never really care how long or short my life would be, I don't fear death. I just want to live my life to the fullest. 

SABDA ALAM

Rupanya, alam sudah lama mendengar rinduku

Untuk mendengarkan sabdanya dan memeluk kata demi kata

Demi menghibur pedih yang menyeruak tiap ruang dalam jiwa;

Ruang hampa dingin tak bertuan.

Selama ini, angin berusaha membisikkan suatu pesan

Yang diterjemahkan oleh caya angkasa siang pun malam

Tapi aku ini terlalu bodoh, arogan

Hatiku terletak hanya pada materi dan akal pada hedonisme

Aku lupa bahwa selama ini, harta abadi yang dicari umat manusia

Tidak berwujud, tidak bernominal dan tidak dapat dihancurkan waktu

Gusti, ajari aku agar kiranya aku dapat

Menemukan aksara yang merambat begitu dalam

Ke jantung bumi juga kulit-kulitnya

Agar aku dapat mengecap buahnya yang termanis

Dan kekallah jiwaku dalam kedamaian, juga buaian kasihMu

SUATU HARI NANTI

Suatu hari nanti

Bila Tuhan menghembuskan nyawa

Kepada angan-angan kita

Bila Tuhan melukis di atas lembaran kisah

Sehingga andai tak perlu lagi
bersembunyi dalam bayang

Dan bila Tuhan melantunkan balada

Pada angin sepoi yang membumbung tinggi,

Membawa kata demi kata tak terucapkan 

yang ingin kuucapkan

Kelak nanti, bila Tuhan merestui

MY ENGLISH TEACHER

6 years ago, I was marked as a troublemaker and a rebel in school. I spent hours sketching on some blank papers, and for doing so my teachers felt like I wasn't paying attention to them. It was actually a form of silent protest from me because the way they educate us in there are boring and thus ineffective; lacking of creativity and a waste of time. Studying should be made fun, especially for elementary students.

But the situation was completely different when it comes with English class. You'd see smiles on everyone's face when class starts. There was no such thing as authority; my teacher never forced us to do anything and she gave us the freedom to be ourselves. You don't have to sit down all the time, you can simply walk around, lay down, have a snack, or even go to the corner and read a book from the shelf, if that's the most effective way for you to learn. She understands that each of us is different and unique, and none of us is dumb. We're all the same, but we have our own ways to learn comfortably. She was every student's mother in school. 

Aside from that, we were offered fun activity as often as possible, like English Bingo (using candies), cooking class (usually she'd invite her fun-loving Australian friend to teach us too), and a tour. Only in english class, we are allowed to be true kids. 

My teacher noticed what other teachers have been thinking about me, so she called me one day to do her a favor. She put a blank paper on her desk.

"Could you draw me something, please?" She asked. "Draw anything you like."

Of course I was happy and honored to do such favor! I drew the best drawing I could made that time and I added a bonus for her; a short story about an old and lonely grand piano in english. She became the happiest woman in school when I finished my artwork and typed my story.

"You are gifted," she said. "I'll show them how gifted you truly are!"

I was surprised. I didn't know that she wanted to show my work to other teachers who've been judging me.

And that's not it. On our english final exam tryouts to graduate elementary school, she came in to our class and comforted everyone. She carried my last tryout result (100 or A+) and said:

"I have faith in you. You are a brilliant girl and I know you can do it."

I am now a college student, and I haven't heard from her in years. But I will always honor her as a true teacher and I wish to meet her again one day so I can give her my other surprise; my success. 

SURGA DAN KEMATIAN (MENURUT SAYA DAN MEREKA)

Di sela-sela istirahat yang lumayan panjang, saya memutuskan untuk mampir ke ruangan seorang guru. Saat itu, siswa lain mencari Tuhan dengan cara mereka masing-masing; doa syafaat, shalat, bertapa. Saya pribadi yakin bahwa cara mereka adalah beberapa dari banyak jalan untuk bertemu Tuhan yang sama, dan saya punya cara sendiri; cara yang hanya bisa dimengerti oleh beberapa, termasuk guru saya.

Seakan sudah menyatu dengan raut wajahnya, beliau tersenyum begitu melihat kedatangan saya. Saya selalu disambut dengan pertanyaan yang terdengar sederhana, namun untuk menjawabnya butuh pemikiran yang dalam. Hari itu, pertanyaan beliau adalah: “surga itu seperti apa?”

Dengan mata yang terpejam, saya merasakan kehadiran gerbang emas paling besar yang pernah ada, yang membawa saya masuk ke kota terindah dengan segala ukiran emas, perak, dan batu permata berkilauan. Dedaunan hijau nan segar berjatuhan mengelus helaian rambut saya, beberapa hanyut dalam genangan danau yang disebut-sebut malaikat sebagai ‘cermin peri’ karena airnya yang begitu bening. Saya membayangkan surga sebagai kota peristirahatan yang tidak akan pernah bisa dilukiskan pelukis paling handal pun.

Beliau mengangguk seraya tertawa. “Yang saya bayangkan tidak seperti itu,” katanya, “tapi intinya sama.

“Keindahannya tidak bisa digambarkan dan dideskripsikan siapa pun, karena indah itu subjektif, tidak memiliki makna yang absolut. Yang kamu lihat adalah apa yang kamu ingin temukan kelak nanti di surga. Apa yang saya lihat adalah apa yang saya inginkan. Namun cara menemukannya sama saja bagi siapa pun tanpa terkecuali.”

Surga erat kaitannya dengan kematian, masa berakhirnya nafas mortal manusia di bumi. Oleh karena itu, saya balik bertanya: “kematian itu apa?”

Beliau menjawab dengan gayanya yang sederhana, “Antrian untuk mendapatkan kehidupan. Begitupun sebaliknya; hidup sendiri adalah antrian untuk memperoleh kematian.”

 Tanpa terasa, bel tanda masuk mengingatkan saya untuk segera bergegas ke kelas. Kami kembali ke tanggung jawab dan kewajiban kami masing-masing; saya sebagai siswi dan beliau sebagai guru. Layaknya orang lain, kami berbeda, namun kami juga mencari hal yang sama. Tujuan manusia untuk hidup, dan tujuan manusia untuk mati, pada hakikatnya sama, dan akan selalu demikian.