MY ENGLISH TEACHER

6 years ago, I was marked as a troublemaker and a rebel in school. I spent hours sketching on some blank papers, and for doing so my teachers felt like I wasn't paying attention to them. It was actually a form of silent protest from me because the way they educate us in there are boring and thus ineffective; lacking of creativity and a waste of time. Studying should be made fun, especially for elementary students.

But the situation was completely different when it comes with English class. You'd see smiles on everyone's face when class starts. There was no such thing as authority; my teacher never forced us to do anything and she gave us the freedom to be ourselves. You don't have to sit down all the time, you can simply walk around, lay down, have a snack, or even go to the corner and read a book from the shelf, if that's the most effective way for you to learn. She understands that each of us is different and unique, and none of us is dumb. We're all the same, but we have our own ways to learn comfortably. She was every student's mother in school. 

Aside from that, we were offered fun activity as often as possible, like English Bingo (using candies), cooking class (usually she'd invite her fun-loving Australian friend to teach us too), and a tour. Only in english class, we are allowed to be true kids. 

My teacher noticed what other teachers have been thinking about me, so she called me one day to do her a favor. She put a blank paper on her desk.

"Could you draw me something, please?" She asked. "Draw anything you like."

Of course I was happy and honored to do such favor! I drew the best drawing I could made that time and I added a bonus for her; a short story about an old and lonely grand piano in english. She became the happiest woman in school when I finished my artwork and typed my story.

"You are gifted," she said. "I'll show them how gifted you truly are!"

I was surprised. I didn't know that she wanted to show my work to other teachers who've been judging me.

And that's not it. On our english final exam tryouts to graduate elementary school, she came in to our class and comforted everyone. She carried my last tryout result (100 or A+) and said:

"I have faith in you. You are a brilliant girl and I know you can do it."

I am now a college student, and I haven't heard from her in years. But I will always honor her as a true teacher and I wish to meet her again one day so I can give her my other surprise; my success. 

SURGA DAN KEMATIAN (MENURUT SAYA DAN MEREKA)

Di sela-sela istirahat yang lumayan panjang, saya memutuskan untuk mampir ke ruangan seorang guru. Saat itu, siswa lain mencari Tuhan dengan cara mereka masing-masing; doa syafaat, shalat, bertapa. Saya pribadi yakin bahwa cara mereka adalah beberapa dari banyak jalan untuk bertemu Tuhan yang sama, dan saya punya cara sendiri; cara yang hanya bisa dimengerti oleh beberapa, termasuk guru saya.

Seakan sudah menyatu dengan raut wajahnya, beliau tersenyum begitu melihat kedatangan saya. Saya selalu disambut dengan pertanyaan yang terdengar sederhana, namun untuk menjawabnya butuh pemikiran yang dalam. Hari itu, pertanyaan beliau adalah: “surga itu seperti apa?”

Dengan mata yang terpejam, saya merasakan kehadiran gerbang emas paling besar yang pernah ada, yang membawa saya masuk ke kota terindah dengan segala ukiran emas, perak, dan batu permata berkilauan. Dedaunan hijau nan segar berjatuhan mengelus helaian rambut saya, beberapa hanyut dalam genangan danau yang disebut-sebut malaikat sebagai ‘cermin peri’ karena airnya yang begitu bening. Saya membayangkan surga sebagai kota peristirahatan yang tidak akan pernah bisa dilukiskan pelukis paling handal pun.

Beliau mengangguk seraya tertawa. “Yang saya bayangkan tidak seperti itu,” katanya, “tapi intinya sama.

“Keindahannya tidak bisa digambarkan dan dideskripsikan siapa pun, karena indah itu subjektif, tidak memiliki makna yang absolut. Yang kamu lihat adalah apa yang kamu ingin temukan kelak nanti di surga. Apa yang saya lihat adalah apa yang saya inginkan. Namun cara menemukannya sama saja bagi siapa pun tanpa terkecuali.”

Surga erat kaitannya dengan kematian, masa berakhirnya nafas mortal manusia di bumi. Oleh karena itu, saya balik bertanya: “kematian itu apa?”

Beliau menjawab dengan gayanya yang sederhana, “Antrian untuk mendapatkan kehidupan. Begitupun sebaliknya; hidup sendiri adalah antrian untuk memperoleh kematian.”

 Tanpa terasa, bel tanda masuk mengingatkan saya untuk segera bergegas ke kelas. Kami kembali ke tanggung jawab dan kewajiban kami masing-masing; saya sebagai siswi dan beliau sebagai guru. Layaknya orang lain, kami berbeda, namun kami juga mencari hal yang sama. Tujuan manusia untuk hidup, dan tujuan manusia untuk mati, pada hakikatnya sama, dan akan selalu demikian.

JOURNEY OF ZESTEV'S SPIRIT

Haven't astral project for long so I decided to do it again yesterday night. When my body relaxed and the night light in my room faded into complete darkness, I found my astral body standing on the beach and under the night sky, all alone. "No one, just you and the Universe," a voice of a lady said, as if she knew that I need guidance. "You may ask questions."

I told her that I'm tired of all the wars and greeds, and I wanted to live somewhere else but earth. 

I'm blessed with my safe and secure life, caring family and friends, and access to enough food, water and shelter, but I've been thinking about how unfair it is to see many people out there aren't as lucky. Many are surviving a war, poverty, and injustice. Everyone deserves to have what I have now. It's painful to learn about reality and I've been carrying these thoughts as my burden. You might don't understand what I'm talking about... but I'm simply tired of all these madness and angry that we just can't live together in peace without hatred, and share instead of creating laws and powers to make some people rich and others poor. 

An strange entity covered with light appeared right in front of me. I've never seen anything like her, but I can tell that she's full of kindness and empathy. 

"Among all the misery caused by greediness and misused powers, you are the hope of many. Without your participation, the suffering will continue."

But what can a nobody like me do? I'm nothing but a girl from a big country yet ironically forgotten by most, from a middle class and normal family, raised in normal society. 

"Everyone was nothing before they make a huge difference. You are more powerful than you ever realized.

Let your intuition guide you. You were given a sharp intuition for a reason."

FOLLOWING THE LIFE OF DAVID: HIS LOVE FOR SNOW WHITE

Everyone knows this classic Disney princess, and some know that she is the very first. When Snow White came to cinemas as the first ever full length color movie, David was, in fact, impressed and amused by every details of the animation since he himself wished to be a cartoonist or animator someday, tho that never happened sadly (but al least I still have his drawing skills). 

Snow White is David's first and last fictional crush. Illustrated books and vintage pictures might've inspired him in a way, but the beautiful animation and story of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs inspired him in many ways. Without future technologies we have today, making full length color animation with realistic design of the protagonist must be very something to him. 

When I watched this movie some time ago, I couldn't help but feel this weird deja vu thing inside my head. Part of me tried to convince me that I've watched this long time ago. Not just years ago when I was still a young girl, but way before that. Thinking that it came out in the late 30s, I realized that David must've seen it himself. 

Despite the nightmares and bad memories from David when he was doing his job during the WW2, I'm grateful that he left me this memory. I'm also thankful for Disney. I don't know what David and I would do without him. :)

 

THE BIGGEST CRISIS IN OUR WORLD

The biggest crisis we're facing now is humanity. Wars everywhere, sacrificing the life of many, starving children, students bullying one and another, doctors abandoning their patients, governments and police forces working over money instead of justice. We all have egos, but deep inside we have a heart that is yearning to see all men living in peace and harmony. 

I can't possibly change the entire world, but I wish I could at least change the lives around me. I believe that there are others out there having the same vision, and if we work together, the future where happiness surrounds every single being, lies in front of us. Despite medias showing violence and injustice, I believe that there's still kindness. After all, when there's darkness, there's light. I want to live my life with kindness. And I want everyone to do so, too. 

Have faith, make it happen too :) 

Namaste~

FOLLOWING THE LIFE OF DAVID

I realized that my memories of being a WW2 soldier who committed suicide 71 years ago still bothers me. It is the clearest memory of my past life I've seen so far. I thought I've seen enough, and yet today, after seeing a video of war, the flashbacks came back again. I'm starting to wonder if there's something David hasn't told me. 

My biggest question is, however, if David had something in his mind when he was about to die, how can his spirit reincarnated as me? As far as I know, when a spirit is trapped in emotional pain, it will roam in this world until it can finally find peace. 

Or maybe David has found his peace, and he wants me to know what exactly bothers him, and how he finally found serenity in that dusty atmosphere and the sound of nonstop gunshots. 

I'm going to discover my past life even further and keep this blog updated with my journey. 

THE NORMAL INDIGO GIRL

Maybe some of you have know that I've been labelled as an indigo... or spiritually gifted child. It used to be part of my pride until I learned a hard lesson eventually and decided not to be so obvious about it, trying to live my life as a normal girl. But I've been so used to it I forgot all about what I can do with my abilities. So in the end I feel like I've forgotten who I truly am.

The hard lesson I'm talking about is that the world is a place for everyone, including indigos, but obstacles are meant to be here and sometimes they make it seems like you have to be someone you not to be able to survive. I realized that knowledge of spirits is not something everyone can accept, at least in this era, but when one is ready to learn, one is close to see how wonderful the mystery of life is. Indigos can access the knowledge of spirits because it is their gift, and everyone is able to learn too, thus indigos can be their guide. Through my journey of this current life, I've met people who are cynical about my abilities, one of few reasons why I decided to 'hide' my true self in a completely normal girl personality. But some are grateful to have been guided by me. 

Lately in my nights I've been thinking about this. I enjoy being normal girl who is struggling in college , complaining about being broke, and enjoying some fun with my friends both old and new, but at the same time, I miss being my true self. I miss using my ability to astral project and experience the realms that cannot be seen with physical eyes, sensing emotional pain in others and trying my best to heal it, and communicate with the spirits. 

But then I realized that being indigo doesn't make me less or more than normal. I'm still human in any ways. 

Maybe being normal and indigo at the same time is the only way to become my true self. Let the society decide whether to accept me as one of them or not, but I want to just be myself because that's one of the ways to value the experience of living. 

I believe that everyone is normal AND gifted. Some are good at science, some at music, some at socializing. I'm a normal girl with spiritual talents. 

Namaste.